tinygreendancer

My Cheating Heart

2009-12-30T12:59:00.005-05:00

Dear blog,
I still love you, honest I do. It's just that lately I've been caught up in an affair or two with my book club novels and a couple of shows I had rather stay tuned into in my spare time, thanks to www.hulu.com.
Maybe 2010 will bring me back.
Until then, the happiest of new years to you.
Peace, Love & all that Jazz...
Abbey

Ando on Guitar

2009-10-14T18:22:00.004-04:00

For those who have asked to hear an update of his playing, here is Anderson on the electric guitar strumming a little of this & a bit of that. Only, he wraps this one up with a pinch of the doxogoly, which I love. It's a Baptist thing... pumping through my veins with lofty passion. And yes, we all stood together as a family, awkwardly holding hands and looking perfectly straight forward until it was finished, leaving us holding our breath for the moment we could release the sweaty palm next to us, avoiding eye contact and dispersing quickly, hoping and begging God we didn't have to do that again next week. Just like the days of old!!!

Ha. I kid, I kidd!!! (well, kinda)

Anyway, here's my boy. Enjoy!

Peace, Love, & all that Jazz...

A Few of my Favorite Octobery Things

2009-10-06T00:24:00.014-04:00

There are oh so many reasons to love October...

Halloween is at at the top of my list, well second to the fact that it's my birthday month. I came into the world on day twenty-two, and as I do celebrate that day in particular, I'm not exclusive to it. I mean, sometimes people forget dates, am I right? Sometimes there are family things or church things or school things that fall on say the 22nd of certain months. Oh, we have something on the 22nd, you say? No problem! There are 30 other days to choose from. But why choose when you can celebrate them all? Partay!!

Halloween is enjoyed for the entire month as well. For instance, I get up every morning and wear my housewife costume. This consists of jammies and a robe, which is completely acceptable in the month of October if anyone comes to the door at any hour. Now let me give you a couple of pointers on how to make this work most effectively. You just open up and say "trick or treat!" and then you laugh. This eases the minds of unexpected guests, who might typically judge you or worry about your mental state because you're still not dressed at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. This nudges them gently away from, "Dude, I can't believe she's still in her pj's this late in the day..." and moves them ever so craftily in the direction of "Oh yeah! Happy early Halloween to you too!" Don't mind the confused look. This too shall pass.

But do you see how this works? Now, I only get the occasional UPS guy or rarely a couple of Jehovah's witnesses at my door, as we live back from the road, so I would suggest only answering every 3rd or so person if you get frequent knockers and you want to wear your pajamas, I mean your costume all day. That way people don't start talkin'.

Now in the event that your loved one comes home at 5:30 in the evening to find you in this said costume, that happens to look alot like the pjs you were in when he left 10 hours earlier, then you gotta change directions. You must take the birthday route. It goes something like this... He walks in in his suit and tie, looks at you a little surprised with a pinch of confused disapproval and asks, "You're still in your pajamas?" Then you smile and say, "Of course! What? Honey it's my birthday. I wanted to relax." Voila. Who can argue with a girl about jammies on her birthday?

So that's how it's done around here in the month of October. I do love it so. And if you read my blog with even the least of consistancy, you have gathered that I too, love me some jammies! I've been known to blow the driveway, wash the car, clean house and even pick up the kids from school in them from time to time. But I gotta say, October validates this behavior in every way, as you have just read. Excuses for November through September get a little sticky, but October is a free ride, my friends!

On to decor and other fun, this year I decided to try something new and put up a Halloween tree with the boys, complete with a Poe-esk raven as a topper.

It's really just a Christmas tree with spooky things on it, but the boys love it and I get to pretend it's normal to put up Christmas decorations in October. And yes, those are little skeletons hung with jute string by their necks. I know... Aren't they just precious?!?

This is the kind of celebrating I enjoy. Tiny skeletons swinging on a twinkly tree. Its delightfully spooky. What I don't enjoy about Halloween though, since you asked, is being scared. There's a huge difference between spooky and scary in my book, and one of them doesn't agree with me.

For example:

Reading Edgar Allen Poe? spooky

Watching horror movies? scary

Telling campfire stories? spooky

Walking through haunted houses? scary

Trick-or-treating? spooky

Hiding behind something and jumping out and scaring someone half to death? BAD! I mean, scary.

See the difference?

And on a side note... if you so decide to jump out and scare me at any point, please understand that I will try to kill you. I do not respond to this well at all. Just ask my poor husband, who learned this lesson very early in our marriage. He doesn't do that anymore, let's just put it that way. My kids have had to learn the same hard lesson: "If you scare mommy, you will get hurt. Does everybody understand?"

I just can't help myself... I come out swingin'. Even at small children. *sigh*

That said, Happy October birthdays everyone!! And Happy Halloweeeeeeeeen!!

Peace, Love, & all that Spooky Jazz

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION!!

2009-09-11T14:32:00.003-04:00

I found this written on my grocery list tablet and thought it was useful enough information to share, lest there be confusion among us.

Peace, Love and all that Jazz...

Time: A Matter of Life and Death

2009-08-02T18:43:00.023-04:00

Time is not flippant in it's measure. Often it's stinginess feels like a curse. Other moments, I feel lavished and blessed by an extra measure of it's presence. The latter is the case today. With school having started back, I am suddenly finding pockets of it here and there. For instance, this morning there is time for drinking coffee in bed and blogging while Queen LaTica snuggles up against me. It is valued, I can assure you. In fact, in a valiant effort to conserve, I made sure to tuck in underneath the covers, just in case I should get sleepy. If that were to occur, I would only be responsible in that particular moment of time for simply closing my eyes. In doing so, there would be no wasted minutes in transition between blogging and napping. I consider this to be "using time wisely".

That being said, time has been both friend and foe to me this summer and I have thought extensively about it, particularly in reference to my mom's death.

When she was first taken to the hospital, I was thankful for time. Thankful that it was available for whispering to her some important things that were lingering inside of me. Things that were on the to do list for the next visit to the nursing home. Things that were more than likely just for me, but necessary just the same.

Then time began to linger like a once welcomed guest who outstays the extent of your hospitality to the point of relational demise. I was no longer grateful for it. I wanted it to hurry. I wanted it to pass. It was slowly becoming my enemy. My gratefulness turned into resentment. Days turned into weeks and time oozed the hours together in confusion. Angst began to settle in. I hated time. It's stoic constitution. It's refusal to yield to my pain. It's generous presence, turning on me and settling in like a splinter, mocking me with it's control. No negotiation.

Only waiting.
Waiting on time to pass in a stale hospital room the size of a hotel bathroom became the norm. I spent most of that time perched on a plasticky, mauve-colored love seat that with the jerking of an arm-rest, turned miraculously into a bed. This came in handy when exhaustion pulverized me. Waiting. Staring. Thinking. Praying. I watched the clock hands drag around with the speed of expired molasses. I watched the employees with the food cart methodically circle past our room day after day. Meal after meal. The ice cream truck on a sweltering day comes to mind. I imagine it rolling past; it's melodic tunes screaming over a loud speaker to an audience of sweaty, salivating kids without a dollar to their name. We were like those kids. It rolled on.

But one particular day, it stopped directly in front of my mom's room, her door framing it like a snapshot. It is an image I will never forget. Stacks of covered dishes full of warm lunch, piled precariously atop that stainless steel version of the ice cream truck. It stared me down from the hallway. I laughed at the irony as tears ran down my cheeks. I took a picture, then I shut the door.

It's been 2 months now since my mom's spirit departed from this earth. She left us in the presence of time. Time of death? 11:58pm. And suffice it to say that it was once again back on my side. It might surprise you to learn however, that even though we have reconciled, I remain faithfully unsatisfied with time's pace. It feels as though it is speeding up as I type and here I sit wishing a few moments back with the "old molasses". Funny how that works...

In the last couple of months, I have come to know this: Time will not be manipulated. It moves forward, marching with commitment. And although it seems to pause for death, it keeps it's pace even so. It's occasional cruelty will leave it's wounds, but even in those moments, the deep value of time remains. It is precious.

May we use it wisely.

"This is the time you'd like to stay.

Not a leaf stirs. There is no sound.

The fireflies lift light from the ground.

You've shed the vanities of when and where and why, for now. And then

The phone rings. You are called away."

~Wendell Berry

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

Sullenly discontented; Sulky; Morose; Ill-tempered

2009-06-03T11:47:00.005-04:00

There are several problems that I have with today.

The first of them being that I didn't wake up in Heaven. This is a weighty problem to have, as it pretty much affects everything I think, say and do. Now don't misunderstand me, family and friends. I'm not contemplating suicide. Well not seriously anyway. I'm just really exhausted from the weightiness of life as a human being on this earth and therefore feeling mighty grouchy indeed. (Those are very different things.) I don't want to take myself out of this world, I want to be rescued from it. But "Somebody" didn't choose to come get us today and I wish He'd just hurry up already. Geez! Now please understand that there are things that I love, sure. There are blessings. Innumerable blessings. But this isn't a post about blessings. It's a post about bitching. Now see, that just made me laugh while I'm trying to be grouchy.

Moving on to my second problem with today... I'm SO grouchy! I really don't mind the grouchiness in and of itself; on some level it actually pleases me. I do, however, have 3 children that are under the influence of yours truly on a constant basis, grouchiness included. That being said, it's one thing to feel like a grouch, it's another thing entirely to entice young children into this mood at the same time. It's contagious, I realize.

Which is my third problem. Grouchiness being contagious. Get your own mood, why don't you?Why can't I just be grouchy all by myself? Why do I have to share that? I don't usually mind my kids feeling grouchy, but why do they have to steal mine? Be grouchy on your own time for crying out loud! Greedy little suckers. They take and they take and they take.

Anyway, the next and most obvious problem is that there are now 4 grouchy people in this house and I only have tolerance for one. Just one! Only me.

So now I have the unwanted responsibility to turn this sinking, intolerably crowded, grouchy ship around. Otherwise, someone will be walking the plank very soon!

I bet there won't be one single plank to walk in Heaven.

Ah... back to my first point... Heaven. A place where all things are right and good. A place where grouchiness won't exist. A place where Hank Jr. won't exist, come to think of it, assuming it ain't alot like Dixie, anyway. A place that sounds like somewhere I would like to be, please. But until then... it's my blog, I can bitch if I want to. :(

And now I must go tend to these grouch monsters that I've created. I would just let it go, but the possibility of me surrendering to the "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" theory seems too probable under these extreme conditions. So I must go see if I can't muster up some repentance deep down in my dark, grouchy soul and make things right.

**sigh**

But it was fun while it lasted!!

Peace (psssh!), Love (Pffft!) & all that Grouchy Jazz....

Roaches Should Not Be on People's Faces

2009-05-22T09:55:00.003-04:00

To celebrate the first official day of summer, I woke up with a roach on my face. Yeah, it wasn't my hair tickling the side of my neck, as I had groggily suspected. It was a big, black cockroach.
On my face.

I slapped and clawed myself in a desperate attempt to get him off of me. It worked. I then slapped and clawed myself for awhile longer in a hopeful attempt to get the feeling of him being on me off of me. It did not work.

TO my horror, he slowly re-emerged from underneath Matt's pillow, mocking me in my fear as the hair stood up on the back of my neck. I gagged for minute. Then I killed him.

Matt flushed him appropriately, so as to avoid the possibility of him resurrecting and crawling out of the trash and back on to my face. He then assured me that this was an isolated incident (which I'm not thoroughly convinced of) and that this didn't happen because of the new deck we had put on recently. He doesn't feel it's necessary to tear it off of the house, as I had suggested.

I doubt the kids and I will be able to breathe soon for all of the poisoin that I will be pouring in and around the house today.

Roaches should not be on people's faces.

Happy summer.

This is how we do it...

2009-04-06T10:20:00.010-04:00

This is how my son puts strawberries inside of his nose. (Thanks to the lovely Teemarie) Now every time we have strawberries, we all have to spend a moment sticking the stems inside of our nostrils. Amazingly, it never gets old and it always brings a laugh to the table.

This is how long my second born leaves teeth in his mouth. It's always a disappointment for this child when one falls out. (or is more accurately forced out by the permanents). He then hides the teeth so well, that the tooth fairy doesn't stand a chance finding it! Therefore allowing him the pleasure of keeping them forever. Like collectibles. Gross little collectibles with dried blood and roots. Eeew.

This is how we snuggle with our pup. And also why we're thankful our kids aren't allergic to dogs. Is he getting any air in his lungs that isn't filtered through Tica's hair? I think not. But hey, no judgements! Dogs are people too.

This is how we creep ourselves out. The boys found her in our woods, with her one hazy eyeball and her head full of worms, face down by the creek. Yea, I know. But she has since been properly discarded of. Permanently. Never to return. Ever!

This is how we play at aforementioned creek. One man's trash (and you know who you are! Hehe) Is my boys' treasure. And yes, we're current on our tetanus shots. (I think.)

This is how we get our relaxation on at Rock Springs Farm. And Mama Gore gets a piece of that too, just so ya know. This photo is really zoomed in. My beloveds are very far away. They can't even hear me when I yell. It's awesome. I drink buckets of coffee and chat with Sybil on her bedroom porch that overlooks this lake. To say it's dreamy is a gross understatement.

And this is how we become like Lennie from "Of Mice and Men". The cuteness of something this tiny and soft and squeezable is overwhelming. Taking this picture of my son's chubby hand reaching down to pet this tiny duck was nearly too much to bear. Thank God I didn't have pockets big enough to put him in that day.

And this, my friends and family, is how I sign out.

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

A Dream Come True... Kinda.

2009-03-02T10:42:00.024-05:00

Well a ski trip didn't happen, but we got a few inches here in the Ham to play in, which magically hit the snow spot for me. And I made something like skiing happen when I slipped on the stairs off my kitchen porch in my cheap, fake Ugg boots from Target that apparently have zero traction in icy conditions. I wonder if any rich people in real Ugg boots slipped on their porches.... hhhmmm.

Either way, we had quite a good time in the snow together. I took lots of photos of the kids, the hubs and the pets, while the hubs spent the entire day hurling snowballs at the pets and the kids.

Here's Tica Lica enjoying a joy run as she dodges flying snow bombs from all directions. And look at how rosy her little cheeks are! Run, Tica! RUUUUUN!!!

Matt & the boys built an adorable, leafy snowman.

Well... an adorable "anatomically correct" leafy snowman... eh hmm.

And a really happy one that reminded me alot of Frosty with his Halloween mask and machine gun??! Wow. How very lovely.

And everyone enjoyed a nice, friendly snowball fight. Well, not me actually. It wasn't pretty. Or all that friendly if you ask me. Must be a guy thing.

Elliot took some pretty cheap shots and pegged Anderson at close range.

But not without paying a heavy price. Several times...

But they were loving it!

Even Cinco de Frio de Mio de Miles joined us, but took cover most of the afternoon in the outdoor grill.

And last but not least, the boys made snow angels!! Well, pee angels, actually. But beggars can't be choosers I suppose.So there you have it. My dreamy family snow day. OK, so maybe it's not as dreamtastic as I may have planned, but boys will be boys and I have 4 of them!

That being said, are there any more questions why I dress the dog in cute little sweaters and dye her pink for Valentine's day?

I didn't think so. :)

Peace, Love & all that winter Jazz...

I Want to Go Skiing.

2009-02-06T02:47:00.005-05:00

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

Blog Blues

2009-02-01T00:12:00.006-05:00

Looking at my blog makes me want to throw up.

Well, that's not true in the slightest of details, to be honest. I've never wanted to throw up in my life. I hate throwing up. I loathe it. Sitting on the side of the bathtub in the wee hours of the morning, rocking back and forth, holding everything inside of me that's wanting to violently erupt in volcanic fashion, while lavishing our good Lord with empty promises like, "OH GOD, HELP ME!!!! I'll do anything! PLEASE!!! I don't want to throw up!!" (Etc, etc. You get the picture), makes me sweat.

That being said, I'm feeling some frustration with the whole idea of blogging.

Or maybe it's my brain... that could be the problem. My mind has an irritating amount of things jumbling, flipping and rolling around in it than a money machine on a second rate game show. So I (the blogger) feel as if I'm standing in the middle of this glass box (my blog), complete with the saaweeet goggles, and the switch flips on. The cash (my thoughts) suddenly begin swivelling and swirling about in such erratic patterns that it's impossible to grasp a single buck! It just ain't workin' for me these days. My thoughts just won't seem to cooperate. Not in a way that seems suitable for a blog anyway.

And on a side note, "blog"? Seriously?? Is "blog" even an actual word? When did this happen? I'm not sure I approve. Or maybe I'm just bitter. But don't even get me started on "blurb". I can't even make myself say blurb. I defy the Blurb!!!

So let's wrap this up, shall we?

My blog has most recently been deduced to "lurking". It sits in my own list of "favorites" on my computer screen, waiting for me to check my email. Waiting. Watching. Lurking.

I hate lurking. True lurking, under any circumstance, should require the death penalty. Who lurks anyway? Exactly!

Bad people lurk.

Evil lurks.

My blog lurks lately. I think it's plotting my death.

I should kill it first.

Peace, Love and all that Jazz...

Creative Constipation

2008-12-31T01:51:00.005-05:00

To answer the question about my blogging negligence as of late... Well, I'm creatively constipated. Totally blocked.

So I've just been absorbing. Marinating. Listening. Reading. Rolling my eyes. (just to make up for all the times my parents told me not to and I wanted to really, really badly.) And that sort of thing.

Hopefully I'll see you in the new year!

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz...

The White Oaks CD Release Party

2008-11-13T20:07:00.013-05:00

SO much to catch up on, but it ain't gonna happen now. I have an important issue to tend to. Tomorrow night will be one of the greatest nights Birmingham's music scene will experience to date. Obviously this is my opinion, but you're reading my blog, so I'm assuming you care about such opinions, or at very least, tolerant of them.

So, The White Oaks, my personal favorite band (not to mention voted #3 for Birmingham's favorite new band for 2008!) will be playing at Workplay tomorrow night, Nov 14th @ 8:30pm. And it's their CD release party!! Yippee freakin' skippee!! THat means, you can get the new stuff before it gets really expensive.

I can't say enough about how much I love these guys personally and professionally. To say that they're extremely gifted and amazing seems ridiculous & cliche', but they simply are. So please come. You won't regret it.

Come have fun, dance like a crazy person (Oh wait, that's just me) and have a great time supporting brilliant musicians in their element. You'll love it. Plus, they will so appreciate your support of their dreams coming true!

The tickets are very reasonable and you can get the new EP while you're there. It's gonna be a blast!!

Sample their tunes here. www.myspace.com/thewhiteoaks

And here's a little something I did to show how I feel while listening to there tuneage...

See you there!!!

Peace, Love & all that White Oaks Jazz.....

Snack Time

2008-09-29T21:27:00.009-04:00

Thank God for little boys, I suppose...

Even if they do eat pretzels from their toes.

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

Boxers? or Briefs?

2008-09-20T15:09:00.017-04:00

So we had a game night the other night. Yes, we've been known to have some fun from time to time. And we're big game people! We love board games, card games, video games, kickball, softball... No wait. Scratch the last two. Unless those are included in "video games" we're not too interested in the sweaty stuff.

Below are a few clips of us engaging in a serious blow-out game of "Boxers or Briefs". (Now that's funny people!) Anyway, it's a great game. And, as a bottle of Chardonnay does seem to add to the fun, that's really neither here nor there.

So the Princes, better known as "Inspector & Mrs. Gadget" (apparently they have tiny flip-out cameras attached to their gadget arms), came over to play.
And yes, they do have mechanical arms that extend to amazing lengths. It's really quite cool.

But let's get on with it. This is Tal...the game dominator. But again, (uh hhmmm)neither here nor there.

Now on to Matt... If you haven't had the privilege of seeing my husband laugh until he cries, well then this is for you. It is truly something to behold. Enjoy...

And it just wouldn't be fair to post everyone else and not myself, so here's me screaming and acting a fool...

Wait...I did mention fair, right? Well all is fair, unless of course you're the lovely, sly Teresa who didn't seem to make it into a full length video clip! Hhhmmmm.... Note to self: Grow gadget arms and get some gadgets.

At any rate, "Boxers or Briefs" is a great game. You should all give it a whirl! And if it's not in your budget to buy it right now, or you don't have any friends who are "gamers", don't worry! Just call 1-800-The Gadgets. For a small fee, they'll come play with you too and take good blog video footage.

Peace, Love, Laughter, & all that Jazz...

Ten Tips to Toast to! tink

2008-09-11T23:09:00.031-04:00

So I was tagged by a couple of gals, and thought this was one I would enjoy diving into.
The following are 10 simple "parenting" tips that can be helpful for both parents and children alike...

Tip #1. Always allow at least 6 kids on the trampoline at one time. Then add soap and water. It's really safe.

Tip #2. When putting small basketballs into your child's shirt to make him look like he has huge boobs, wipe the jelly off of his face first. It makes for a much better picture.

Tip #3. Always pick your noses for family photos. It's a real crowd-pleaser.

Tip #4. When putting your children down to sleep, throw the animals in there too. It saves coin on the pet crates.

Tip #5. When exposing your kids to extreme summer heat, take lots of good pictures right as it starts "getting to them". You can use it against them later.

Tip #6. At rock concerts, keep your children away from the speakers and make sure they're wearing earplugs. Safety first! That's what I always say.

Tip #7. When raising boys, make sure they know that make-up and hair gel are for the ladies.
We give this tip a thumbs up!

.

Tip #8. When playing "underwear head", never cover up your whole face. This can cause injury, as it impairs ones vision tremendously.

Tip #9. Be a Godly example to your children. Only passionately kiss guys other than your husband if they're made of bronze.

And Tip #10. When your baby unknowingly shoots you the bird, make sure you get a picture of it. It makes for a wonderful Christmas card.

Cheers to Good Parenting!

Peace, Love & all that Jazz....

The White Oaks FREE concert!!

2008-09-10T01:25:00.005-04:00

Just another plug for the White Oaks... of course!

Why? Because I love them and they are seriously talented artists.

Are they a Christian band? Well, let me just say this... My husband is a Christian. And he's also a banker. Does this make him a Christian banker? Well, this is where you can think for yourselves.

What is their music like? Hhhmmm... this is a toughy. Because I'm not you, I can't speak to how things impact you. But as for me... The White Oaks are like fireworks. And sunlight in early fall. And the best grilled fish you've ever let melt in your mouth.

Thurs night at the Alys Stephens Center downtown, 6:30-8:30pm.

There'll be other new artists playing, food, drinks, art on display, and lots-o-fun to be had by all. Bring the kids!! And oh, did I mention it's FREE?

You'll possibly spend more money by staying at home.

Support your local music scene.

Peace, Love, & all that Jazz...

"Raindrops Keep Fallin on My Head"

2008-09-03T15:19:00.007-04:00

Wait... did I say Raindrops? I meant chipmunks.

This is my life... so unpredictable and full of surprises. I hate surprises. Unless of course, it's something like, "Surprise! You won a million bucks!" Obviously I can handle that sort of shock with much more ease. I rather enjoy knowing what to expect. What I do not enjoy is "chipmunks falling out of the sky" kind of surprises. No one expects that kind of peculiar event. But you, my readers, should be informed of this possibility. It does happen! And it did...

Now this wouldn't necessarily bother me, if falling chipmunks landed somewhere (anywhere) outside of my personal space. When their landing pad is MY CHEST however, well... let's just say this is not an ideal situation for me.

After screaming like I had been set on fire and freaking out to the near brink of public indecency (I seriously considered ripping my shirt off in my panic), he scrambled down me (Eeeewwww!), and finally fell into the plant on the porch and scurried into the bushes.

Fairly nightmarish if you ask me.

In hindsight (which is obnoxiously sensible), my cat's intense, wide-eyed stare that was locked at the top of the door frame makes alot more sense. Alas!! He was hunting the chipmunk. The chipmunk that was teetering unstably over my kitchen door. The same chipmunk that lost his grip and fell like a grenade onto my chest, just as I stepped outside.

My nerves were shot to hell for hours. From that point on, every time so much as a string or a leaf or a child's sweet hand brushed my arm ever so gently, I flipped totally out.

It's going to be a slow process to full recovery, as I no longer can open the door without being haunted by the experience of a rodent teetering unstably above my head, waiting to hitch a ride on my chest to escape the inevitable doom that is Miles the cat. But progress is being made... I no longer feel that a snow suit is necessary to get me from the house to the van.

Expect the unexpected.

Life is full of surprises.

Peace, Love, & all that Jazz....

Public Display of Emotion

2008-08-29T10:16:00.007-04:00

Yesterday I cried a lot. A whole big lot. Not "sobs", per say. Just large amounts of tears. It was nice actually. I needed to do it.

Unfortunately, I ran into a bit of a timing issue though, because Matt had taken the whole day off so I could get out of the house. And naturally, being a stay at home mom, I didn't want to spend my "day off" at home. And I really wanted to go to the thrift store. But I also really wanted to cry. Large amounts of tears.

What's a girl to do? Well if you're me, you just combine them!

So there I was, cruisin' through the mounds of fantastic thrifts, all the while wiping tear after tear as they fell. It was a very freeing experience for me, actually. I highly recommend it.

It wasn't, however, the most relaxing experience for the poor strangers around me. It made them feel something they didn't expect to feel in the thrift store, I think.
Most of them just smiled a genuine, kind smile as they walked by. Some had a look of concern. Some had a slight look of confusion, as if they were intruding on my privacy, but knowing they were in public. Others looked straight at me, and asked if I was OK. (to which I would just say, "Yes, thank you! I'm just havin' a good cry.") Then there were those who were clearly uncomfortable and would quickly find something they had to see on the next isle over, as if to "give me my space".

I found all of this to be a beautiful thing. Not one person walked away unaffected by my tears. They all reacted differently, but each person reacted to it in some way. It was as if even though I was a stranger, my tears struck a chord in them. They cared in some way. Maybe they wondered what I was going through... what was wrong? Maybe they related to my pain... there own hurts crossing their minds. Maybe they thought I was crazy... Who knows? But I was enjoying the diversity in their reactions.

And then there was this one man... "Mr. Fix-it" ,we'll call him. He needed to DO something. It was like I had sprung a leak and he was pilfering around in his emotional tool box to find the right wrench to "tightn 'er up". It was more than obvious that he wasn't interested in baskets, but he sort of "faked interested" so he could work up the right time to talk to me. Or encourage me. Or fix me. I don't know his intention, but whatever it was, I thought it was very kind.

Here's how that conversation went...
him: "Wow. The Thrift Store can be a little overwhelming... well I just mean there's so much stuff everywhere!" (awkward laugh...)
me: "Yeah."(smile)
him: "Are you finding some good stuff in here?" (fidgets..)
me: "Oh yeah.. too much, as usual." (smile)
him: "Thrift stores are the best, aren't' they?" (pause)
me: "Yeah, I love it." (smile)
*pause*
him:"Well... (pointing finger) You have a good day. Oh, and I hope you find some more good stuff!" (walking away)
me:"OK! Thanks, you too" (smile)

And interestingly, he did end up finding the "right wrench" because after that short verbal encounter, my tears dried up.

I love the human heart. I enjoy watching how we identify with and relate to each other. I was connected to these strangers, for a thousand unknown reasons, because of the public shedding of tears. I found it to be a good moment.

But maybe you had to be there...

Peace, Love, & all that Jazz....

2008-08-26T01:27:00.013-04:00

Never lose hope...

... ANYTHING is possible! (even if you're this li'l fella!)

Peace, Love & All that Jazz...

My Tiny White Oak-ling

2008-08-15T13:06:00.019-04:00

Anderson has been working hard learning some of the songs from his favorite band, The White Oaks. You can listen to (and spread the word of) them here.

So he asked, "Mom, if I learn some of their songs, would you video me playing them and post it on your blog? Maybe they'll see me on there and let me open up for one of their concerts some day. (As if they don't already know he plays music. One of them actually was his drum teacher last year.) But he's so dreamy and is in his most relaxed, comfortable and peaceful place when he plays guitar and drums. It's as if life isn't quite as hard when music is being played. (I understand that completely!) This is my deep child... very creative and intimate.

So I told him to keep the dream alive...you never know what might happen. Dreams and hopes are such a good thing. I also told him that if he works really hard and stays with it, then one day the (then world famous)White Oaks will be old and tired and maybe they could open up for him! It made me laugh to imagine Scott, Matt, Noel & Michael looking more like ZZ Top and opening up for Ando.

Anyway... I thought it was a simple enough request to grant.

So, without further ado (and I actually have no idea what that means but I know people say it in sentences like these) here is Anderson playing the guitar intro to "Stare it Down" and the first part of "Hey Julie" by The (oh so very talented) White Oaks. (I'm sort of a huge fan too, if you haven't noticed.)

Thanks for listening!

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

Maybe I'm CraaZaaaY"

2008-08-12T09:36:00.014-04:00

I'm beginning to think that the talented Gnarles Barkley wrote that song just for me. And it's becoming a known and expected fact around here, that all who are under my supervision just have to roll with it!!

First day of school... Everything was going just dreamtastically. We were on time, we took pictures, we were dressed, brushed, fed, clean and ready to meet the teachers!! So we amble on over to the first stop to meet Elliot's teacher and his new classmates. He was so nervous and brave. My big first grader! We laughed some, gave hugs & kisses, I took a picture of him at his desk, and out we strolled. "That was easy", I thought to myself.

Now, on to stop #2... Anderson's school. A much bigger deal, as he had to start a new school this year for 4th grade. As we near the front of the school, Anderson sees a sign at the entrance that reads, "Meet the Teacher 8/8, First day of school 8/11" to which his panic-stricken reply is , "MOM!! Meet the teacher was on Friday!! We MISSED it!!"

*Pause* I realized, in the same hysterical moment, that his words were the truth. "We did miss it", I said to myself. As this is settling into my brain, I also realized that we were in the middle of a frenzied drop-off line for the first day of school!! None if us have even seen the classroom or met the teacher! What the?!? Needless to say, I and my sweet son were now officially panicked.

So I (wide-eyed and on the verge of tears) look at my rock of a husband who says, "Why don't y'all just go on in, and I'll wait here and pick you up at the front". "Yes, Yes. Good idea", I think. (Breathe in... breathe out... He's right. Not a huge deal. Just breathe. And for Anderson's sake, don't cry!)

So off we go... Anderson, trying hard to "roll with it" as the late bell rings mockingly in the background while we climb out of the van...papers, toys, & old french fries fall onto the parking lot simultaneously. I look at my forgiving child and say, "Wow! Great start, huh?"as I side-hug him.

He grins.

We approach the classroom to find all the students sitting quietly at their desks, listening to the announcements on the intercom. Anderson freezes, as all the unfamiliar faces turn our direction. I wanted to run. I know he did. I thought quickly to myself, "We could go home and say there was a death in the family, causing us to miss 'meet the teacher' and the first day of school. That would ensure not only a good excuse , but sympathy as well... (added bonus)." But I realized the absurdity in that lesson, and decided to walk him in instead. I helped him find "the" seat, as it was obviously the only one left, introduced myself to the teacher, apologized, snapped a quick picture of Ando (wearing a smile that was understandably soaked in disappointment) and left.

Feeling overwhelmed and inadequate, I slinked into the van thinking, "I'll never see him again. I dropped him off in a foreign place full of strangers and I couldn't find that classroom again if I had too! And what if I have to? I hate that school!" Which actually translated, "He wasn't ready. I wasn't ready. We weren't ready!!! WE JUST CAME TO MEET THE TEACHER!!!!"

Then Matt, seeing the look on my face and reading my fears, put his hand on my arm and said something like, "It's OK, ya know. It's not a huge deal." And suddenly I could breathe in and out again. He was right. It was OK. It wasn't too big a deal.

It was very disappointing though. But all in all, it was OK.

I did ask the boys when they got home to make the faces of how they felt their first day went. Here's the shocking result... :)

Oh~ a big thanks to my husband for knowing me well enough to "curb my crazy", if you will. He's a good man.

And that, folks, concludes the longest post in the history of my blog. If you're still with me, let me suggest, that "Well... I think you're CraayZaaY!!!

Peace, Love, & all that Jazz....

One Good Hour

2008-08-08T17:27:00.011-04:00

So, I was a bad, bad mommy in my sickness. My poor little tiny children!! They had to exist among me yesterday, having no choice but to endure my nasty tone, words, and actions. All of which were just plain sinful. It was not pretty. Nope. Not pretty at all, folks.

However, as the afternoon crept in, my medication (mixed with a smidgen of good old fashioned conviction), kicked in a bit and we were able to salvage some resemblance of love for about an hour. Oh but it was a good hour indeed!

Here's what we did...

We gathered every pillow and couch and chair cushion in the entire house and made a big pile downstairs. Then the boys used the sofa springs as a trampoline to propel themselves into the pile of softness below. They had a blast!

So keep this in your repertoire of ideas, if ever you have a day this bad and you need to call on something as desperate as sacrificing your expensive upholstery for the salvage of your reputation as a mom!

Oh, but first, make sure to invite one of your kids' friends over. This is an important step, as it assists in spreading the news among neighbors of what an amazingly fun mom you are. Not the evil sick mom that you can be, NO!! NOOEEEW!! Amazing fun mom!... That's what you are.

So then you simply snap pictures!!

Wilson

Elliot

Anderson

So it was a good rainy day redemptive hour.

But after that, well let's just say it was a good thing Matt got home decently early...

Peace, Love, & all that Jazz... (especially for my poor family!)

In Sickness...

2008-08-07T12:00:00.003-04:00

What's better than coughing up lungs and fighting off fever in the middle of summer with a heat index of 1oo degrees?

Well, let's see...

Not having those things happen is better.
Floating lazily down a dreamy river in an inner tube. Better.
Frolicking in a field of wildflowers. That's probably better.
Going to Desoto Caverns today with the lovely Fullness peeps...sack lunches in tote, and lots of church love to share. Way better.
Oh how bout this? Accidentally hitting your finger with a hammer... I'm gonna say better.
Ooo... here's a good one... stubbing your little tiny toe going full force. (Ya know the one that makes you say !%$*?) Most definitely better.
Ah... training for a 1/2 marathon in the middle of summer... *pause* Uuummm... Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with respiratory madness & fever.

So I'm sick today... waa waa waa.

But it is dark and quiet around here, and that is a good thing.

How, you ask?

Well, for starters, I won't let the boys turn on any lights or open any doors or have any fun whatsoever that involves noise of any kind. I just can't risk the smidgen of added heat into my world with the opening of doors or the turning on of light bulbs. They lasted about half an hour in that prison, and went straight to the neighbor's to play music.

But I do have some feelings of thankfulness... for the golden silence. And the darkness. And the coolness of the A/C. And the pain relievers. And the reading of books. Which I think I'll go do.

Peace, Love & Wellness... & all that Jazz...

Going Our Separate Ways

2008-08-04T10:21:00.005-04:00

Well, it's over.

It's completely over and I have no say in it whatsoever.
I have worked SO hard to make it last. For everyone to be happy. For things to go smoothly day to day... week to week... month after month.

I mean yeah, we've had our ups and downs. Who hasn't?? We've had some tough days, I'll admit that. But to just abruptly end things? All the good times we've had?? All the vacations and family togetherness?

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would. I really think I would. Maybe I could right some wrongs along the way.

But I'm trying to be flexible and not try desperately to hang on to something that is SIMPLY OVER.

But I do have to say, as the tears swell, I never expected it to happen this soon.

And where do the kids fall? Well, I'll tell you this much...I only get them now at nights and on weekends. It's so sad. My heart is very sad.

So... I hope you're happy, summer! You waltz in every year and bring so much joy and togetherness, only to abruptly leave us moms...abandoned. Without so much as the slightest concern with how we might feel about that. And you should be ashamed of yourself for leaving us so early this year! And with this heat!!

I really thought we had something special going on. I guess I was wrong.

(Here's to school starting next week, everyone!!)

Peace, Love & all that Jazz....

A Really Good Night...

2008-07-28T11:12:00.009-04:00

This post is for those who wanted to be there, but couldn't...
Saturday night was such a good night. We took Anderson to see the White Oaks open up for Wild Sweet Orange at Workplay. He was in "rock star" heaven. He was clearly the youngest person there (at the tender age of 9), so he got lots of attention which was fun for him.

We are so proud of these bands! They have incredible talent and we love them so much.

I spent much of the concert tearing up (of course) as I've been quite sad lately, but mostly it was the very sight of dreams coming true for good friends that we love so dearly. These are some seriously talented guys, who have spent most of their lives writing and playing music. To see them up on stage with all the lights and a sold out crowd just made me get a big lump in my throat. (I'm not gonna lie, though... I also got a big lump in my throat this morning when I saw a bluebird... but I think that was for different reasons).

My misty eyes on this night were tears of "Yay!" and "Aaaaww!" which is actually "pride and joy", now I think about it.

So much of my "family" was there. Much of my Shades family, some of my Fullness family, and a few friends that are close as family.

It was good for my soul.

And my looming sadness.

Good times.

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

Aaaaw and Eeeeew!!!

2008-07-25T11:09:00.007-04:00

Aaaaaaaaww. A wittle mouse.
Pet the wittle mouse.

Uuuummm....

Wittle mouse???

Eeeeeeeewww!! A dead mouse! Gross!!

THIS is why we have a cat... So the wittle mouse stops at the porch.

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

Lot-O-Changes

2008-07-17T12:50:00.025-04:00

Man, I thought I would never again have anything to say of any importance. Well, at least for blogging anyway. But after much pondering on the subject, I realized that nothing much that I say on blogs are of very much importance to begin with, so I decided to carry on.

And I was right with the last post... A change did do me some good. Especially the kind of change that involves family, friends, sand, surf & seafood!

Me, Elliot & Wilson monkeying around

Surfer dudes

Testosterone on the beach

Burying little brother

Matt Jackson entertaining us

Me & Molly

Hangin' with the Jacksons

But the past month as a whole has been full of changes. I'm not sure if feeling the loss in death just made me recognize change more intensely or if recent changes are actually big enough ones to recognize. Either way, change is in the air in the Gore house.

For instance...

Elliot turned 7 and Wilson turned 4!! That was a huge change... (for me anyway)

Another biggie... we inherited a dog! Her name is Tica (pronounced Teeka) Our friends Chris and Ashley are moving to Taiwan & can't take her along, so we gladly took her sweetness off their hands. She is the best dog on the planet, in my humble opinion. She sits, lies down, dances, comes when called, and has great table manners. AND she kinda looks like Alf, which makes me so happy. (Alf the TV Alien, not the friend!) ;)

Another change that feels pretty big to me is that I started running again. That has changed my eating patterns and sleep patterns big time, and has made me acutely aware of muscles in my body that I forget are there. Yowzers.

Something else that feels big is that we have officially decided not to move to Tennessee. It wasn't something that was wildly public to begin with, so it may not feel like a change to many of you, but to us, it was pretty substantial. That door was conveniently closed for us, so we are thankful that the Lord made that clear for now. And to all those (and you know who you are!) that were praying against it all along... welp, looks like God is on your side! ;)

But here are those good friends that would have been our neighbors. They recently came for a visit...

A fun change that I decided on in one moment and acted upon in the next, is my new red kitchen. It was simply a split second decision that was based on nothing more than, "I think I'll paint the kitchen red". Now it's red. And I'm still deciding if I like it or not. (And the painting is incomplete in the photo, just in case you think I like the artsy "dripping blood" kind of look.)

Now that's not every change, but just some noticeable ones.

Some were planned, some were not. Some were controlled, others were completely out of my control. But as both exist, I'm learning to live with them. And I feel, at very least, like I'm moving forward regardless of the changes that come. Dewayne would say that's growth. Willie would say I'm "On the Road Again" . I like both sentiments.

Hope your summer is stretching you too.

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

"I Said a Change Will Do You Good!"

2008-06-26T22:24:00.004-04:00

Yay.
I feel a change a comin'.
In the form of a vacation.
Which I like.
That shall surely be a good thing indeed.

Peace, Love & all that Jazz...

Hard Goodbye

2008-06-11T19:54:00.010-04:00

This post is necessary for me in so many ways. It will be the last post for me for a little while, as I grieve the loss of an incredible ally and friend.

Dewayne Wood has walked with me for the past 2 years into the darkest and most difficult details of my story. He helped me to look into the deepest places of my sorrow and pointed me always to Jesus, in the midst of it all. It was under his discipleship, that I began to risk dipping my toes into the process of vulnerability. He walked with me into places of sorrow that I was terrified to enter into. And it is with the deepest sorrow now, that I step once again into the realness of my grief.

Dewayne passed away yesterday, June 10, due to complications from a seizure.

I will always be grateful for his courage in counselling. He never wavered from his commitment to Truth. He helped me to enter into my difficult journey out of Darkness and into Light with authenticity and grace. He was patient and gentle and enormously kind. I'm so thankful to have had the privilege of knowing him.

"Thank you, Dewayne, for bearing with me consistently in love. For always reminding me that Jesus is my defender. For never being grossed out by my sin. For hearing my worst and not turning away. Thank you for helping me see Christ in Abbey Gore. You were a beautiful picture of Him to a wounded and terrified young woman seeking help. I can say today, with a new found dignity, that I will miss you so much. I look forward, with much longing, to the day that I can have full understanding of the truths that you planted in my heart for me to draw from. I feel a deep, deep sadness that the Lord took you home, but it is without shame that my tears fall.
Continuing on the journey until we meet again,
Abbey

Readers~ Please join me in praying for Dewayne's wife Cheryl and their extended families and friends as they grieve his loss. If you feel led to minister to Cheryl through a donation to help with funeral expenses, please do so by going to www.daymarkcounseling.com and follow the instructions under Dewayne's memorial. It would be worth your sacrifice, I promise.

Lo-ee-hee LaughFest 2008

2008-06-09T22:17:00.004-04:00

I copied this from Michelle's blog for anyone interested in coming!! It should be so much fun! You all know how much fun Kenny Loehe is (and that is pronounced "Lo-ee hee" If you not sure. Alot of peeps say "Lay" but that's clearly not right, as you can see from the spelling.
Anyway... come on out and join the fun!!

Get Together at Oak Mountain
Some of you know Kenny Loehe and his family are coming to visit soon. So we are planning a big get together for anyone and everyone at Oak Mountain State Park. If you went to SEBC, knew Kenny, heard of Kenny, or just want to come hang out you are welcome to join us.

When: Saturday June 21st 10:00am-12:00 noon
*Stay as long as you like. After lunch we can get groups together to go canoeing and paddle boating or hang out at the "beach". The kids may also like to visit the petting zoo.

Where: Oak Mountain State Park at the Honeysuckle Pavilion (127R). After entering Oak Mountain turn right as if you are going to the beach. You will pass the paddle boats and beach area. Then right before getting onto the road that will take you up to Pevine Falls you will turn right. Follow that road past the playground and keep your eyes open for 127R Honeysuckle Pavilion.

* There will be BBQ chicken sandwiches and drinks provided for kids and adults. If you would like to bring something else to grill there are plenty of grills available.

What to bring:-Cash to get into the park-a side dish (Baked beans, potato salad, chips etc.)

More details to come. Please comment with any questions. Also feel free to e-mail this to anyone you think would be interested.Can't wait to see you there!

Please "rsvp to me" and leave a comment if you would like to bring a side dish.

Off With His Tiny Head!!

2008-05-29T01:00:00.007-04:00

So my 3rd son is possibly a tad on the "over-exposed" side. I'm positive that my oldest two had not seen Star Wars by the age of 3. Wilson, on the other hand, has indeed seen the first one and I am not so proud of that now, to tell you the truth.

Here's an example of why that is... I overheard him in active "Star Wars dialogue" today, complete with light saber waving about everyone's head. After the "he's so cute and smart and funny" clouds let loose their grasp on my dreamy thoughts and reality set in, what I noticed was that everyone in his dialogue was getting their head chopped off with his light saber. Call me crazy, but that sounded a pinch harsh to me, coming from the mouth of a 3 year old!

So I asked him to tell my camera a story, (to test how deeply this violence was actually embedded into my child's tiny brain) and the only guideline I gave him was to not chop off any heads in the plot.

And this is what came of that.... (pause the music playlist on the side before you watch)

Peace, Love and all that Jazz...

Memorial Day

2008-05-26T23:53:00.005-04:00

I miss my mom today. She was so patriotic. And she loved American flags. She hung them on the outside of every house we moved to, which was A LOT! One of the first things she did every time we moved into a new place was hang up the flag. I loved that. It was sort of like a sign to me that we were settling in.

I don't hang a flag up. It actually makes me sad. (And so do aprons and Dorothy Hammel haircuts and suburbans) They all remind me of my mom.

But even though there's no flag outside my door, I still remembered and prayed for our troops today... past and present.

Hope you did too.

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz.

Hello Summer! Bye-bye Bleacher Butt!

2008-05-21T09:48:00.020-04:00

So summer's fast approaching, and I need to have a plan. So far it's to take the kids swimming almost every single day at my brother's pool. I did some laundry for him not too long ago, so that's a pretty even trade, don't you think?

Our house is on the market, so I need to keep my fellas out of it as much as possible, as they tend to leave a trail of "stuff" behind from room to room. It's pretty remarkable, actually. It's as if they have shoes, wrappers, food, toys, books, trinkets, baseballs, light sabers, dirty socks, papers, electronic devices, backpacks, video games, baseball cards, key chains and other random items that just follow them throughout the house. And it's always a blast blazin' that trail until I step in and make them back-track and clean it all up.

But... with my new summer plan in action, they can blaze a new trail on my brother's turf! Mwa ha ha!!

The beginning of summer is always preceeded by a much anticipated close of a long chapter of bleacher butt for the Gore family.

Tee ball and baseball season finally ended, but not before Ando's team made it to the championship game! So, congrats to all the hard working Volcanoes! (I wonder if that boy from another team who called my son a loser is still thinking that now?? "Who's the loser now, huh? Huh??") Wow. My maturity knows no bounds.

At any rate, the Volcanoes got second place and you would think this would be cause for much celebration and excitement, right? Well... not if you could have had first place.

This is the picture of Ando with his second place championship trophy.... cheese.

And Elliot? Well his league doesn't even keep score, much less compete for a championship, so you wouldn't think there would be cause for over-excitement for getting a general trophy just for participating, right? Well, not if you're Elliot.

This is the picture of him with his T-ball trophy that doesn't even have his name on it...

"Yeah, baby!"

Two very different leagues. Two very different kids.

I love those boys.

Peace, Love, and all that Summer Jazz...

Tal Prince Live! and Feelings of Typey... and Rambly.

2008-05-17T21:26:00.013-04:00

Something worth your consideration is a great little radio show called Tal Prince Live!. I hate that I just had to put a period after an exclamation point, if I can just interject that. Look at it. It doesn't look right. But I suppose the "!" is actually a critical part of the title "Tal Prince Live!", so as to add some well deserved umph and excitement. Guess I'll leave it alone. I've just never ended a sentence like that before.

ANYWAY... On Tal Prince Live! he's all about openness and transparency. Or better said, it's all about what I tend to struggle with the most. I'm beginning to learn though, that (varying amounts of) transparency is a crucial part of living out the gospel. And for me, God's amounts most always seem higher than my own. :)

Tal has been called to a level of openness that most people are not, and that most people would never respond to even if they were. But he not only responds to that call, but does so with a confidence and hope in Christ. I believe his ministry is amazing. But just so ya know...no topic is off limits on his show. He's a recovering sex/porn addict that is using his own story to give hope to others through the message of the gospel.

I have really been blessed by his ministry, his story, his church and his transparency. The show is worth sharing with anyone who has any struggles in their life. Or sin. In other words, if you're perfect, don't even look into it. It will really piss you off how many other people out there have sin in their lives that they struggle with. It's a staggering and overwhelming number of the world's population, actually. If you're into the Bible at all, I think you'll agree that it's all of us.

Getting back to my point, as I simutaneously step down from my soapbox... this Sunday his guest on the show is author and counselor Dan Allender. Matt & I love reading his books. We've read several of his things and he has been a huge blessing to us for years.

So, try to tune in to Tal Prince Live! this Sunday night at 8pm Central on Sirius satellite radio, channel 161. (Matt & I listen online. And you can get a free trial there so easily!!) You can also go HERE and check it all out for yourself. I'm sure you will be pleased to not read my opinions and ramblings on the subject any longer.

I am feeling quite rambly though. Really just so very rambly and typey. Are rambly and typey words? Yes, they must be the adjectives of ramble and type. I just know it. Why? Cause I feel it. Typey and rambly, I mean.

It's exhausting housing this brain at all times.

Peace, Love and all the Typey, Rambly Jazz

Liar, liar...Matt's on Fire!!!

2008-05-05T14:48:00.012-04:00

So our date nights can look like this...

Get sitter (thanks dad).
Head to Workplay.
Foolishly try to work out some misunderstandings on the way.
Enter Workplay.
Frantically try to recover from trying to work out misunderstandings on the way.
Experience "recovery failure".
Start crying (me).
And crying (me again).
Keep crying (me still).
Drudge through the misunderstandings in Workplay.
Stop crying.
Finally experience some understanding.
Believe husband's words, "You look fine! No one will even know you've been crying."
Agree to stay.
Find a table.
Roll eyes at husband when lady asks if I've been crying.
Have a couple of good laughs with liar (I mean husband).
Enjoy some great live music...and finally each other!

I love date nights. Especially the good ones like these. There's just nothing quite like it. Just good old fashioned fighting. A lover's spat, if you will. And I must say, I'm not a huge fan of crying in public, but I'm getting better at it, as the tears just sometimes fall and I happen to be there. In public, I mean. There really is just no sense in running. They fall fast, so it's not like you have massive amounts of time to change anything or go anywhere.

So I think to myself... what's the worst that can happen? I get embarrassed? A tad late for that. Someone points out that I look like I've been crying? Well, yes actually. Our "table neighbor" pointed out (right off the bat) that I looked like I'd been crying. To which I replied awkwardly, "Yeah...yes. Yes, I've been crying." And then it became rather high-schoolish (but I liked it).

She was like, "A good cry? Or a bad cry?" And then I was like, "A good one". And then she was like, "Cool." And then I was like, "Yeah." And then we just carried on like that about relationships and what-not.

And so... as far as I can see, if that's the worst that can happen, then I say go ahead and just cry your eyeballs out in public. It's really not all that bad. Kind of freeing actually.

Now on to the music...

We were newbies to the headliner band, Griffin House. And we really liked them. (Un-mute your computer and you can get a taste for yourself) His feel is sort of a throw back to Bruce Springsteen and John Mellencamp with a twist of Bono in a kilt and cowboy boots. His music feels good and it's a bit more on the lovey, old school rock-n-roll side of life. (In other words, he's no Matt Mayfield, but I don't hold that against him.)

And speaking of him, Matthew Mayfield is a personal favorite, and honestly the reason we went in the first place. He's deeply melancholy and his wounds of life are front and center in his music. (Either that, or he reads a lot of poetry and takes it really seriously). He really has a gift. His voice is the most amazing thing.

You can find him here... www.myspace.com/matthewmayfieldmusic

So here's a few snaps of those talented folks...

MM... strumming my pain with his fingers. Singing my life with his words. And of course, killing me softly with his song. Killing me softly.... with his song.

And here is Matthew, just as he caught on fire during the set.

But he turned out fine.

Griffin House.

Girl from Griffin House.

Griffin and Matthew "Jammin' on the One", if you will..

I wish I had a cutie picture of me and my Matt, but my eyes were a touch on the puffy side and that's just against the rules. (Kermit the frog comes to mind, so you can understand.)

But I love you, honey. Thanks for hanging in there with me. You're a real trooper. A liar, when you want to stay and hear bands, but a real trooper to put up with all of me. You just went and got yo self all up in a mess when you married this one! But aren't you the lucky one!! ;)
Cause REAL men love leprechauns.

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz...

What Happens in Vegas, Definitely Doesn't Stay There!

2008-04-25T16:31:00.045-04:00

So I got some great shots in Vegas.

Here are some of my favs...

The glass floral ceiling in the Belaggio Resort.

Amazing.

3 nights... 9 pair of shoes.

Is this a problem??

Me and Elvis.

(I'm fairly sure the other one is an impostor).

The slowest people in the history of the universe!!!

Now, this just speaks for itself.

But quite humorous.

Couldn't get him out on the town! I think it was a Divine Conspiracy.

OH! Thank you! I'll be here all week.

Oh... no I didn't!!!

Actually, yes I did.

Just peeking through some plants in the lobby...

...at that man dressed like a woman. Don't see that very much in my bubble.

A dude taping (and pointing) for an episode of CSI, Las Vegas.

And last, but not least, my summary of Vegas in a photo...

Wealth and Poverty.

What an incredible city. Incredibly bright. Incredibly loud. Incredibly versatile. Incredibly wild. Incredibly sad. (From my perspective anyway).

We were grateful for the trip (thanks Regions!) but SOOOOO ready to come home.

Aaahhhh....Home sweet home!

And just so ya know... after all of our gambling, shopping, tattooing, and eating (all courtesy of the bank, of course) we came home $22 in the plus.

So basically... Matt's job paid us $22 to go to Vegas.

Not a bad deal if you ask me.

Here's some more pictures...

Enjoy!

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz....

Shots and Scriptures

2008-04-18T21:40:00.007-04:00

What do Elliot's finger mustache, new buds on my Crepe Myrtle, the tire swing, new hydrangea leaves, Ando's sliver of pie for an eye, some ivy, my favorite hat, our birdie bed and breakfast, some white flowers, sleepy Jones, a pink azalea, a weed and that little monkey in the middle have in common?

My new digital camera! My great aunt left me some money, and it was just enough to buy some new clothes and an amazing camera. I could take shots of your nose hair from across the room with this thing. And maybe I will...

However, I typically end up with just like 50 pictures of the side of Matt's face. My favorite thing is this... "Hey, honey?" Then when he looks up, "click"... Really zoomed in. Hee Hee.... Love love love it.

Well, must go pack.

Oh- I had a request to share what scriptures I memorized recently. They are these...

Prov. 28:6 "Yes, Lord. Walking in the ways of your laws, we wait for You; Your name and renown are the desire of our hearts."

Gal. 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

Ps. 56:3-4 "When I am afraid, I will trust in Him, in God whose word I praise. In God I put my trust. I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?"

Good stuff.

Peace, Love and all that Jazz.

Don't Worry... Be Sleepy Now

2008-04-17T00:26:00.005-04:00

So it's late and I'm up. Worrying. Worrying leads to misery. And death. Well, maybe not death, but misery FO SHO!

However...I'm doing it anyway. And in this order...

Sleep. I can't get any. It just won't come to me. So I'm blogging. And worrying.

There's nothing for b'fast. Oh, wait... there's Oreos. So never mind about this worry.

Packing. We're going out of town in the near future. To Vegas. Which leads me to my next concern...

Vegas. I can't imagine an enjoyable weekend in a place referred to as "Sin City". (Is Vegas referred to as Sin City??) Anyway, I hope we don't see any naked women.

Naked Women. I've heard there's lots of nakedness in Vegas. I wouldn't mind seeing the "almost" naked kind in the pretty feathers, I mean it is Vegas after all, but not the real naked kind. That worries me.

Airplanes. I hope nobody throws up. Or farts.
I hope I don't throw up. Or fart. That would be worse.
That's it really. There's not an 8th worry. Just the 7.

Oh, and I memorized some scripture this week. I was proud of myself. I don't think I've memorized scripture since I was like 10. And even that was pretty much so I could recite it to my grandmother, in King James Version. That made my mom look good. I'm glad I could do that for my mom, actually. That makes me happy now. I hope it gave her the "one up" she was looking for. :) I don't remember those particular verses, however, because there were too many Thouests and Thines to make sense to me at 10.

But anyway, yay for memorizing scripture. Hopefully it will "pop up" in a time of need.

Oh, but boo for rambling... it has gotten me in some trouble this week already, so I'm signing off.

Hopefully Mr. Sandman will sucker punch me without warning.

Peace, Love and all that Jazz

Happy B'day Fullness! and Dude... Nice Bananas!

2008-04-11T15:09:00.005-04:00

So I'm supposed to make banana pudding for the church tonight. It's our 15th anniversary as a church. I hope we don't start sowing our "wild oats" together as a church family. You know, those teen years can be rough. ;)

But back to banana pudding.... I'm in Wal -Mart about an hour ago finishing up my list of ingredients. And as you may have noticed, the produce in Wally World is not the best (by a long shot) so I'm having to dig to find pretty bananas, so as to impress all those who partake in my dessert tonight.

And just about the time I had found ones that "would do", a buggy rolled by. And wouldn't you know it, perched atop some salad dressing, a tub of hummus, and some other random items are the most beautiful bananas in the store. My heart filled with greed and I began to covet those bananas. I was burning a hole through them with my gaze.

"When he turns around", I thought, "I'm switching my 'so-so' bananas for his perfect ones." But just as my thoughts were coming to a close... we caught eyes.

Unfortunately (for both parties involved), this is where it went from there....

me: (Full of shame for wanting to steal his produce) "Sorry! I was just eyeing your bananas."

him: blank stare.

me: awkward laugh... "Your bananas... THOSE bananas."

him: awkward, blank stare.

me: panic-stricken stare.

him: Okay?

me: OK! Nervous laugh. Sorry!

Wow.

Why in the heck did I have to say "eyeing" your bananas?
Why couldn't I say something non-sketchy like, "Hey, how are you?" Or "Hi."
Or how about NOTHING!!
I was so ashamed of my evil plan and for some reason felt like he caught me in it.

Moral of this story... don't try to steal other people's fruit in the grocery store. Stealing gets you into trouble, people. Don't even consider doing it. You will wind up talking to a strange man in a public place about his bananas. And it's real awkward.

Peace, Love and all that Jazz.

I Wish I had a Brownie

2008-04-02T14:58:00.005-04:00

If my blog were a brownie,
I'd post something every day.
If each day was the weekend,
I'd sleep it all away.

If sleeping was my dearest friend,
I'd never wake me up.
If waking was a toast to life,
I'd pour myself a cup.

If a cup would hold my thoughts inside,
I'd fill it to the top.
If being filled meant happiness,
I'd pour and never stop.

If stopping were like starting,
I'd be in constant motion.
If moving made me fall in love,
I'd dive into your potion.

If your poison was the death of me,
I'd be surely gone for good.
If goodness was the magic cure,
I'd drink it like I should.

If I should keep on going here,
I'd be the crazy one.
If one was all the brownies left,
My blog would now be done.

I think I'll go make a pan. Mommy 'serves it!

Peace, Love and all that Jazz

"I See You... I See You!!"

2008-03-28T11:24:00.009-04:00

"I see London, I see France... I see eyeballs and underpants"

WARNING!!!

This post is not for the faint at heart! (or the weak-stomached)

So proceed at your own risk....

But I must share. Must must must.

There are two things that I despise in this world and both of them were left for me this morning.

Number One.

Eyeballs. I despise eyeballs. Not the ones that are in living things, just ones that are out of their sockets and sitting on my porch. That's right. There was an actual eyeball staring up at me through my kitchen door this morning. It was clearly left by "Me-Oh-DeMiles" after his morning snack, and I believe (from the tufts of fur left behind) that the previous owner was a rabbit. And you must see it to believe it.... but before you take a look, you also must start singing to yourself "It always feels like... some body's watchin' me" and it makes for a great affect.

Dun Dun Duuuuuuhhhh!!!! I know, right??And yet, for reasons unknown to myself, I cannot stop looking at it. I just can't stop. I will go look a thousand times today simply because I have to.

"Me-Oh-DeMurderer" after his heavy snack. But with such a full tummy, one must always have a nap!

Number 2.

(And most shocking of all, really) was left by "Me-Oh-DeMatt" and I think it speaks for itself.

Yes, my friends. That is in fact, the dirty clothes basket that those dirty clothes are sitting in front of. Shocking, I know. And believe me, I can't stop looking at this either. The only thing that makes this OK, is that I love that man. So because of my undying love for him, I will pick up his clothes. And because of his undying love for me, he will pick up the eyeball.

And that shall be a good trade.

Peace, Love and all that Jazz

A Winner's Wounding Words

2008-03-24T23:00:00.010-04:00

"Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never harm me."
author, a big fat liar

OK.

So as we know from my booger post, it's baseball season and Ando had a game last night. Aside from the fact that it ended an hour and a half past his bedtime and everyone involved was exhausted and freezing, his team lost. It's wasn't a huge deal, as everyone needs to experience losses in life (and Matt & I are not considered the most competitive parents on the bleachers) but last night we suffered through a wound of a different kind.

When Ando got up to bat, his team was down 11 to 2 and everyone knew it was the last inning. He was on deck by the other team's dug-out, and a kid on that team yelled to him through the fence, "You're a loser. You're the reason your team has ALREADY lost this game. LOSER!! You're gonna strike out." And that is exactly what he did. He struck out.

So he fought back tears all the way home (which is actually only about a 30 sec drive, but"all the way home" is for dramatic effect). I was smack dab in the middle of an "everyone loses some and wins some" speech when he spoke up and told me about that kid and what he said. He looked up at me with big tears in his eyes and said, "When he said that mom, my chest started hurting and I couldn't concentrate. It still hurts."

My first thought was, "Man, this kid is a feeler!"

And then I swear to you, all I could envision was rolling up my sleeves and fighting that kid's mother in defense of my child's feelings. And I wanted to whip his butt and give him a big wedgie and hang him from the nearest tree limb by his undies, so he could feel the shame that he was inflicting on my son. But while those evil sugar plums were dancing in my head, my teary-eyed child was looking at me waiting for a response...some assurance that he wasn't the reason his team lost... a reason for such hatred from that kid. He was so wounded by those words.

It was a good time for a great talk about a hard world. And Matt is so much better at it than me. He held him and talked to him about Jesus and how people were hateful to Him too. He told him how much he reminds him of Jesus sometimes. He told him he was proud of him and he was sorry that his feelings were hurt, and that those words would have hurt him too.

I, on the other hand, hold him and tell him what a jerk that kid is and that he's a rotten soul who lets evil speak right through him into other's lives and how he should be spanked and hung from a tree by a giant wedgie. Oh wait... those weren't my words... those were my thoughts. (Evil sugar plums still dancin' up there).

So in the end, there was much huggin' and kissin' on that boy and some solid assurance that the loss did not lie solely on his shoulders, and he finally drifted off to dreamland.

The one thing I couldn't take away though, was the sting of those words. Even if just a little bit, it changed him. It wounded him. It makes me sad how much he's going to hurt growing up in this world. I wish I could protect him from it and fight off everyone from every side. But that's not my job. He's got a Good Defender handling things, and He's learning to trust Him.

I think Ando is an awesome little dude.

Letters to Flu Virus

2008-03-20T21:23:00.004-04:00

Dear Flu,

You suck. You're relentless and harsh. You come with a vengeance, leaving me quarantined and isolated from the world, and leave behind a funky, stagnant feeling in my home. And you do strange things to people. When you infect my husband, you turn him into a "sad, lethargic, needy one who feebly appreciates Tylenol brought to his bedside every so often while he lays sleeping and sweating out his fever in the guest room" type. But when I get you, you turn the very same man into more of the "annoyed with me for planning on getting you right at a pinnacle time at his work" type. And for that, you are a twisted and sick little sickness.
So I hate you, flu. I hate you for all the misery you cause in people's lives and for that stagnant air you leave behind. I wish you would die forever and burn in the flames of eternal flu damnation for all of eternity.

Aahhh. Now I'm starting to feel better already.

So, I had the flu the last couple of days. It was actually horrible, and so was my husband for a short period of time. But when he realized he was being a touch insensitive and that contracting this virus was completely accidental on my part, he became kind. And thank the Lord for that because for a second there I thought I was going to have to wipe my nose on his pillow case or brush my teeth with his toothbrush.

On a happier note, Yay for Easter coming up. I love Easter. "Thank you Easter Bunny!! Bwaak Bwaak!!"

Peace, Love, and Flu Freedom

Happy Easter!

2008-03-17T22:28:00.006-04:00

Peace, Love, and All that Jazz

Strike One...

2008-03-02T14:36:00.004-05:00

So baseball has started back up. And for me, that means all of my not-so-new insecurities are right back front and center. Every year I struggle with feeling like I just don't fit in with the other baseball moms in my community. For one reason or a thousand, I feel like a misfit.

So as usual, I try and arrange things so that Matt has to take the boys and I can comfortably avoid the situation as much as possible. And that way he can come home and give me the skinny before I walk onto the field cold turkey introducing myself to all the other parents who already seem to know each other from their kids being in the T-ball league since their birth.

Well, this plan failed this year. Elliot's first practice rolled around and Matt called from work at 4:30(the exact time practice started mind you) to inform me that he wasn't going to make it because an important client had popped in and he couldn't get away. WHATEVER! I wonder if he told that client what this was costing his poor wife! I almost passed out. What could I do? There was not even time for deodorant, and I hadn't even had a shower that day! My hair was in bobby pins and I was wearing dirty clothes that I had been painting in all afternoon.

But before I could think, we were off.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I tried to think of every reason why it was OK just to drive up, slow down, throw my son out of the van and speed off. Feeling that he was a bit more important than my insecurities, I decided against it. Most of the men were on the field, and all the moms were on the sidelines wearing outfits that looked as if they cost as much as my mini van. (Reason number one that I don't fit in). I was instantly ashamed of my smelly, tacky, redneck self, so I decided to just stand by the back fence.

But then on second thought, I said to myself, "What? Am I in junior high school?? Just go introduce yourself and get on with life already!"

So that's what I did. I just walked right up, introduced myself and before I knew it, we were talking and laughing about motherhood. Well, what do ya know? Instant common ground. And I was fine. They were nice. It was great. I had grown up a bit and was extremely proud of my progress in this area.

"I'm really a confident person." I thought to myself. "Most people would have just stayed by the fence. But not me. No way. I'm too mature for that." They may have nicer clothes and cars and smell really pretty, but they can't touch me in the confident, maturity department." I was so proud of myself I couldn't even concentrate on anything they were saying.

Then Matt arrived to relieve me so I could go home and clean up for church. I wasn't mad at him at all anymore for leaving me hanging. It had turned out to be a good thing for me. I was ridin' my pride. But before I left, he leaned down close and effortlessly shattered my dreams with one simple statement...

"Hey, honey? You have a booger in the right side of your nose."

Why? Why Lord? Why did I have to have the booger? It just couldn't be that simple, could it? There just had to be a booger involved. It wasn't enough that I was unclean, had paint in my pinned back hair, and was dressed like most of the men on the field. Nope. Something was missing. I know!!! Let's throw a booger in the mix!

Wow. Let the record show that the proud will be humbled. Even if it takes a booger to get the job done.

Oh, I just can hardly wait for the next practice!!

Stike one!!!

Peace, Love & all that Jazz....

Rebel Child- Exposed!!

2008-02-24T01:40:00.004-05:00

Remember listening to Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer"?

I was singing it today and started thinking to myself, "I wasn't allowed to listen to this song. Why do I know all of the words? Not to mention, all of the other words to all of the other songs on that entire album. I must not have been near as perfect a child as I remember. And there are others. Many others! From Madonna and Cindy Lauper, to guys like Richard Marx and then the really good stuff that would have made my mama cry, like White Snake and Guns-N-Roses. I remember in junior high, wondering how any of those awkward, zit-faced boys were going to learn how to love me with the kind of passion and dreaminess that Richard Marx sang about. Man, was that ever a crock!

So today I got to thinking about music that was off limits in my house.
It brought back lots of memories of being at friends' houses and listening to forbidden tunes while dancing wildly and singing into hairbrushes. And of course our hair was teased and sprayed, and our skinny, awkward preteen selves were dressed up in mini skirts, lots of blue eyeshadow, and tons of sparkling accessories.

Amazing concerts were performed. That is, until someone's brother would bust in dying laughing and shaming us for being losers. Thus the adolescent dreams of becoming the next chick rock star were crushed in a moment. But that moment of humiliation always passed and at the next sleepover, we were once again able to "take the stage".

Anyhoo, it was fun to walk down my memory lane and listen to a few of these tunes from "back in the day". And I must say, now that I'm getting older and actually listen to the words of this stuff, it makes so much sense now why I wasn't allowed to listen to some of this crap as a kid!
But even so, it did bring a smile to my face.

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz.

"Mommy Mowed-Over at Michael's"

2008-02-18T18:32:00.007-05:00

THIS JUST IN...

Today I went to Michael's.
And I must say there was the most ridiculous mom in there I think I have ever seen.
For starters, her youngest was crying and begging to push a cart around the store and she let him. She seemed a little annoyed that he was begging and crying but she caved in and let him push it anyway. He couldn't even see over the bar and was running into other people and store displays. The mother didn't even seem to care! She was acting like it wasn't happening!

And to make matters worse, her other two boys were starving and bored and complaining loudly about being starving and bored. And one of them was racing away from her in those "Heelies". She kept casting him evil glares (when she thought no one could see her), and pinching him and saying (in a hushed yell that she thought no one could hear) "STOP IT! STAY WHERE I CAN SEE YOU!!! Then she would smile politely at all the shoppers as they stared at her with disdain, while that said boy sped over to the next isle on his Heelies.

At one point her middle child held a silk flower up to his bottom and said to his brother, "Look at my butt! I pooped a flower!"

I thought the mother was going to smack that child with his own "pooped" daisy. It was horrible. Her nerves looked shot. She just kept looking at these kids as if they were maybe aliens from another planet.

She may as well have laid down on the dirty floor and let those boys trample her with their cart and Heelies.

So anyways, after my lovely trip to Michael's, I got in the van, belted my trio in and stared out the window for a minute with the stunned realization that my parenting skills have really gone to pot lately.

That was embarrassing.

Welp... Looks like it's time for Boot Camp at the Gore house!!!

Uugghhh!

Peace, Love, and all that Jazz

My Tight-Wad Valentine and A Flip-Flop Genius

2008-02-15T16:58:00.012-05:00

Aaaahh... love is in the air.

Matt had these flowers delivered to me yesterday. I'm pretty sure it had mostly to do with the fact that I called him at work around 10am to say that I hadn't gotten a delivery yet and was just needing to make sure I hadn't missed it by taking a shower or anything.

Needless to say, he took the hint and by that afternoon I was holding a dozen beautiful antique roses. I did find the two delivery men in their big red pick-up truck to be not so "floristy looking" however, and the hand writing on the card seemed less ledgible than your average female, but I didn't think much about it at the time. Matt later confessed that one of his assistant managers had her husband and friend (who are firefighters, not florists) bring them over since they were on this side of town. I thought that was so kind! Thank you Cindy and David, for making that happen! The flowers are beautiful. And that was so sweet for you guys to be willing to do that for me and my penny-pincher Valentine. We owe ya one!

And that wasn't all. My three "little" sweethearts made me lots of cards and decorated the table with their stuff. They also presented me with a single red rose when daddy got home, which was a lovely surprise for both me (AND them). Too cute. (Good call daddy!)

So... Happy Late "Lu-vah's" Day!!

And in other non-valentine related news...

Not long ago, I picked up a blue plastic retro-looking video recorder case at the thrift store because I had a vision for turning it into a super sweet briefcase for my friend Michelle's b'day. But after cleaning it and lining it with black and white polka dot fabric, my creativity was exhausted. So I took it to the most magical place of creative wonder I could think of. Virginia's house. And she helped turn my dream into reality. And I must say, it is fantabulicious!! I had to let you have "just a peek" at part of what that girl can do in an hour.

She does dreamy work. Check out her blog on my friend list.....blackflipflops. Thank you Virginia!!

So now I'm home and bored and freezing my buttox off. This weather is unpredictable and crazy. I'm ready for spring!!! Looking at the side of that briefcase doesn't help much either.

But now I gotta go. The background noise of Wilson on the drums, Ando on the electric guitar and Elliot on the acoustic in the room next door to me is making me want to jump through a window while pulling my hair out by the handfulls and screaming at the top of my lungs in desperation for silence. I think I'll just go upstairs intsead.

Peace, Love and All that Jazz...

A Tiny Toilet Takes Me Back

2008-02-12T09:56:00.000-05:00

Oh, they just don't make toys like they used to. I'm so thankful that my parents bought me this toy. It makes me happy even today at 33 yrs old.

I've been thinking back quite a bit lately. My dad turned 60 this month and it has caused me to think alot about growing up. These Fisher Price toys always bring back good memories. We had everything from houses to airports, barns, schools and fire stations to campers with a tiny potty included. And this teeny toilet is still a family favorite among my boys, as potty talk is always funny and never gets old to us. Uhh hhmmm...I mean, them.

I sometimes miss being young. Those were the good old days. The days before evil and my flesh and the influence of the world affected me beyond what I knew was possible. Back then it was Fisher Price. And Barbies. And G.I. Joe. And playing in the tree house and the "fox hole". It was Sunday night "chicken night" with the Pirtles. It was playing "kick the can" until way after dark. It was laughing at funny things like "soup is good food" and "Behooold!!" ...things that only my family can understand without explanation. It's the kind of memories I can always go back to in my mind when I need to think of life as easy and light.

My parents used to set the alarm and wake us up in the middle of the night, load us into the suburban filled with T.P. and take us to roll the Zibrowski's yard. And this was no isolated incident. It was war. Sometimes Mr. Z would sleep in the bushes on Friday nights if he thought we were coming to surprise attack. I'm fond of that memory.

I have many fond memories. And I'm better today because of back then.

So happy late birthday to my daddy!! And in his honor, here's a few important things I learned from him over the years.

How to make a good fist.
Patience (although that one didn't stick with me at all)
Good grammar. After all he did coin the classic phrase, "Well Gaawlieee! It ain't gettin' too much more warmer out here, ain't it??"
"Stepping on frogs" sounds a lot like farting.
The joy of giving.
How to magically remove my thumb from my hand.
How to use power tools.
All the verses to "Come Thou Fount" which is what he sang to me in that deep voice that nearly disappeared on the lowest notes.
And most importantly, that he loves me.

*And I love you too. Have a safe flight home from across the world!!

Peace, Love and all that Jazz

Over the New Kids

2008-02-05T13:04:00.000-05:00

I love music. I love Workplay. And I love Michelle, who loves Over the Rhine, who was playing at Workplay Theatre last night. And seeing how her birthday is fast approaching, I thought it appropriate to get her tickets, especially since she hadn't been to a concert since New Kids on the Block.
So, we took a few snaps of last night's fun. However, we didn't get a single good shot of the actual musicians. We just got to laughing so hard about everything that we ended up with only pictures of ourselves enjoying the moments. And here are some of those said moments...

The birthday Girl.

Waiting for Over the Rhine.

Awed by how much better they are than New Kids.

Waving at the singers.
Oh, I hope they saw me!

Laughing.

And laughing.

Expressing excited energy.

More laughing.

High-fiving to a great night!

Oh, happy early birthday my most fun friend! Thanks for making me laugh and loving me uncionditionally. You are a true gift!

Peace, Love and all that Jazz....

Snow Jumping

2008-01-28T08:54:00.002-05:00

I had some requests to post some pictures of the boys enjoying the snow this year. And even though we missed it falling from the sky, there was just enough left over on the trampoline to get into. So this was our version of playing in it.

Aaahhhh... making snow angels.

Getting pegged by daddy.

Daddy feeling satisfied with aim.

Learning to dodge daddy's throws.

Paying a heavy price for it.

Unable to recover. Happy winter!

Old Dan Tucker Say What?

2008-01-27T19:27:00.001-05:00

Today I escaped. My friend Molly came to pick me up and we went to Starbucks for a few hours. And even though we were merely backing out of the driveway in a minivan full of cracker crumbs, toys and random shoes, it felt more like we were peeling out of the gravel drive in a convertible with the top down while standing up with the wind blowing our hair back and our arms thrown wildly into the sky while screaming "Freeeeeedooooommmmm"!!! You know, sort of like Braveheart, only instead of looking for freedom from tyranny, we were just seeking some relief from anyone 8 yrs old and younger who might have any questions that begin with the word "Mama". In other words, it was nice to get away with a friend for a bit.

I never was a big "sneak out of the house" type teen, but I find that in young motherhood, it's a staple survival tool. Oh, it was so nice and self-centered and fantastically so. And when I got home, all was well. Matt was still snoozing and the boys were playing contently. Now supper's on. And breakfast's cooking, and Old Dan Tucker's just standin' there lookin'. Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. But supper really is on, just minus the Old Dan Tucker standing there lookin' at me part. That's creepy anyway.

And it wouldn't be the proper end to any good day without a few white crackers trying to dance and rap to "soldier boy". Enjoy.

Making Memories...Tennessee Style

2008-01-22T13:02:00.000-05:00

Club Lerore, you ask? Well that goes back 10 years to a time when we were actually living in the same apartment with our good friends, the Lorenzens. Kristen & I were begging our hubbies to take us dancing one night, but seeing as how they would always rather sit at home in comfy clothes and talk about the "good old days", we had to bring dancing to us. With the help of a boom box and a radio station, we combined our names and "Club Lorore" was born. It has since gone out of business, but the memories of that night live on.

So we went to see them this past weekend, and were anxious to see their new house. It's quietly nestled on 5 wooded acres on a very private lot and it's beautiful!!

We had so much fun catching up...Nate and Kristen are like good wine. They only get better with age, great to kick back and relax with. The "relax" part only exists at night, of course, as we now have 6 kids between us, so the days are mostly filled with "unrelaxing" activities such as...constantly feeding the starving children, strapping in-line skates on the excited children, unstrapping in-line skates off the exhausted children, wiping the snotty noses that stream down the children, peeling "Finn" the biting puppy off of my screaming children, and so on and so forth. And somehow, in one remarkable turn of events, Kristen & I managed to sneak in a little thrift store shopping one afternoon. Woo Hoo!!

But the evening was when we got our reward...

sitting close to the warm, crackling fire
playing endless hands of Rook
laughing at the same Tombstone and Andy Griffith quotes that never seem to get old
talking about hair loss and weight gain
dreaming big dreams together
and last but obviously not least, laughing lots and lots.

It was good, good times.
So here's to a great weekend! And even though my kids missed their first (and probably last) snow in Alabama.... it was well worth it.

Love you guys!!

Peace, Love, & all that Jazz.

Britain's Got Talent... A Must See

2008-01-17T12:40:00.001-05:00

Watch this... You will love it!
I had to, had to, had to share it with everyone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mn6HGMfxIVQ

What God is Showing Me Lately...

2008-01-15T15:34:00.000-05:00

If Wilson were part of the ever obnoxious paparazzi, this picture would be plastered on the cover of every magazine in town. But come on people... is it just me, or do these PJs go together? Let's just say I like eclectic pajamas. If they're comfy and within arms' reach, they go on my body. And they are the best way to go, when looking to keep the bite of the cold from seeping in and chilling me all the way to my lazy bones. The scary part about this picture is, I didn't consider for one second what I actually looked like in this ensemble. I would have answered the door in this and thought nothing of it. Can you imagine being greeted by this lovely sight, complete with a smiling face with last night's makeup still hanging on for dear life while covering a normal expression as if nothing were out of the ordinary? So in light of this "self-discovery" so to speak, I think it's a good thing he took the picture after all. Why I'm posting it on the internet is still a mystery. It is not a pretty sight.

But speaking of sight, I saw the coolest thing when I was at the dentist the other day. I was sitting in my car killing a few early minutes, and the tree in front of me caught my attention because on the trunk was the shape of a perfect arrow. It wasn't carved into it, it was just the way the bark was. I stared at it for a few moments, before deciding to follow the direction of the arrow up, and sitting in the bare branches at the top of the tree were two bright red cardinals. It made me happy.

So, this is what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that God wanted me to see those cardinals. I wonder why? Maybe He just wanted me to feel that smile come across my face.

I am also firmly convinced that He wanted me to see what I looked like today in those jammies. I don't however, wonder why that is. I'm pretty sure He was just protecting me from going to carpool dressed like that. You would be surprised what I think I can get away with. Don't think I wouldn't have just stepped into my knock off Ugs, thrown on a fleece and gone with it. It happens.

Peace and Love and all that Jazz...

My Commercial Break

2008-01-09T16:42:00.000-05:00

There's a new band that I love. They call themselves The White Oaks.

And here's what I know about them:

They're good souls.
They're incredibly talented.
They've been on Reg's coffee house 3 weeks in a row.
They're great guys.
They're playing at Workplay this Friday at 9pm.
They should be heard by everyone.
They will be famous.
They will hopefully cut me a check for this promo one day.

So.... come out to hear 'em! They have a really contagious feel and a great sound. You will sway. You will bob your head. You will clap. You will sing along. You will most likely scream, "Wooooooo!" at several points during the show, just because you feel good. And you will most definitely, at some point, want to stretch out your arms and spin around with your eyes closed and your head tilted all the way back, even though you probably won't go through with this. BUT... you will want to!

The White Oaks...

And these are them... Noel Johnson, Scott Thrift, Matt Jackson, and Michael Glaser.

Oh, and there's no cover!! So it really doesn't matter if you frequent the music scene, are a relentless fuddy-dud, simply a tight wad, or just plain ole "po folks"... it's free!!!

And I do love me somethin' good for free.

You can check them out here: www.myspace.com/thewhiteoaks

Now back to your regular blogging.

Tooth Fairy Torture

2008-01-04T09:06:00.000-05:00

I'm the worst tooth fairy that ever lived!

This is the truth. I have some kind of mental block when it comes to the follow through with the whole "replacing the tooth with money" ordeal. This would be no issue if I didn't push the tooth fairy idea in the first place, but I just can't help it. I talk it up big time, confusing my poor children with the idea that an actual fairy that buys kids' teeth does indeed exist. And I love torturing them with the fact that I'm most definitely not her.

So, after many questions like, "Mama! You're her right? It's you!" To which I just shrug my shoulders with a straight face and say, "I don't know what you're talking about.", they decide to go with it. They put their tooth in a baggie, shove it under their pillow and nod off quickly with the anticipation of cold hard cash growing under there while they snooze.

This is where the worst tooth fairy that ever lived comes in. I NEVER, EVER, ONE SINGLE TIME CAN REMEMBER TO ACTUALLY PUT THE MONEY UNDER THERE!

So here's this morning... I go in to wake the boys for school and as soon as I touch Elliot, he sits up, clears his eyes, and excitedly reaches under his pillow only to pull out a baggie with his first lost tooth still inside. He flops back on the pillow, completely deflated, and says, "nothin'!" And covers his head with his blanket.

"Dang it!! I did it again!", I say to myself. And so begins the mad rush to the kitchen to find a piece of paper, a pen that actually works and 2 dollars that I'm praying are in my husband's wallet. I write something about "I thought it would be fun to keep your first tooth" in all CAPS, as this is the only way I can ever think to disguise my handwriting, and lay it on the table just before Elliot comes dragging in for breakfast.

Then I wait for the reaction... did I pull it off??? Yes!! Nice save! He buys it. And it's not long before he's saying, " Mama, tell me! It's you, right?" all over again.

Whew!

The tooth fairy survives.

And the torture continues.

Rockin (and Rollin') Around the Christmas Tree

2007-12-28T13:55:00.000-05:00

What do you get when you cross my family with Christmas?

Several death traps and lots of noise makers.

Death trap #1...

A couple of noise makers... (the 3 guns not pictured)

Death trap #2...

So that's a taste of what our Christmas was like. I also have MUCH footage of everyone (except for myself, of course) singing at the top of their lungs on the karaoke machine. I'm pretty sure that will be fun to watch later on.

Me-Oh-Miles didn't care much for the chaos...

We ate almost constantly...

We hung out alot...

And I'll leave you with this... We're thinking of going on the road.

A Brown Crunchy Christmas

2007-12-15T13:06:00.000-05:00

Looks like if you've been dreaming of that, it just might come true for you! I can't believe it's a week before Christmas and I actually contemplated letting the kids play in the sprinkler today. We opted for a huge leaf pile instead. Oh well, that's what I get for living in the south, I suppose.

So, in honor of all things brown and crunchy, here are some things that I enjoy that fit that description...

Craft paper...so versatile, and so very cheap. Not to mention how wonderfully works into my obsession with wrapping paraphernalia.

Nestle crunch bars. Yummy.

Coffee Beans. Nothin' quite like freshly ground coffee!

Loofahs. Love me some exfoliation.

Whatever crunchy topped cinnamon thing Christa brought me from Panera not too long ago. Tasty.

My bangs in the 80's. Those were sweet.

Star anise. Yummy smelling potpourri... and pretty to look at.

Empty locust skins. Those are cool. (and the only "bugs" I'll actually touch)

Those brown croutons at Ruby Tuesday's salad bar. Mmmmm....

Well that was boring. I think I'll go lay out for a bit. I could use some color for our Christmas photos.

Oh Happy Day...

2007-12-09T19:54:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. I love good days. They make me happy inside. We had our annual chili cook-off at church, which I'm proud to say I placed third in, thank you very much. No, stop, really. Thank you so much! It was really nothing, seriously. But even so, I put my blue sticker with my number on it right up on the fridge with my race numbers. What? I was proud of that win.

As for the rest of the day, we all worked our little butts off cleaning the house for Matt's office party tomorrow night. And somehow it's all done!
So, as you can imagine, I'm sitting in shock. Could it all really be done? It's so early. And I haven't had any emotional meltdowns yet. Or moments of temporary insanity causing all to fear me in my mental instability. We're all actually still very happy and now it's somehow already time for......drum roll please......the boys' bedtime! Oh, could it be true? Could it really be true??? What a glorious hour if I do say so honestly. I believe it's under appreciated, but well deserving of some sort of praise. It's an amazing gift that comes every evening just in time to save everyone from "hell mommy". It's simply genius, that bedtime.

So here I sit. Backpacks are filled. Lunchboxes are packed. Clothes are laid out. Children are bathed (and now also in the bed) and it's not even 8pm! And no hell mommy. That's just shy of miraculous.

Oh, I wish you could hear the quiet. Aaaahhhh.... the quiet. And there's peace too! This is what they mean by peace AND quiet. There's literal quietness in the house and there's actual peace in our spirits to match. I never knew it was actually a real duo. Hmmm.

So I like today. God was kind. I was kind. Matt was kind. We were all just kind to one another. I mean, I didn't even say any cuss words behind my family's backs. Not even in my head, I don't think. Oh, happy day.

Do perfect days really exist? I think they must.

Well actually, I did get this video clip of my 3 year old singing Guns-N-Roses' "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" while playing choo-choos, so let's say close to perfect. Our influence of music may need a little tweaking. But hey, let's not forget my third place win in the chili cook-off. That's pretty darn big for my ego, which will off-set the hit it just took when I heard my son singing Guns-n-Roses.

So, in light of today's near perfection, I'll leave you with this clip of Wilby.
As for me, I'm going straight to bed. I don't want to push it.

Peace.

A Christmas Letter

2007-12-03T11:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Santa,
I'm going out on a limb here in hopes that you read my blog and will get this letter. I have been a really good girl this year (well, compared to last year anyway) so I'm hoping you will take a look at my list and see what you can do about giving me what I want. It's a pretty short sheet of requests, and you being Santa Claus and all, I'm counting on you to help me out with these few things. I'm going to leave off the items that I can actually buy at Wal-Mart, and just stick to the stuff that might require a little of your Christmas magic.

My Christmas list 2007:

A lot of money.
Peace on earth.
A pimped out stretched limo for me and my girls to ride around the town in.
Alabama snow.
No worries, so I can be happy. Oh and that guy to ride around in my limo with me and my girls so he can sing that song to us.
A big Santa fart to blow eternally in just that certain someone's face that always deserves it. (And let me know if you need some names)
A huge field of wild flowers in my yard to spin in.
Some energy for the spinning.
And a partridge. I already have a pear tree, but it would be so extra Christmas-like if you could drop a partridge in it.

And that's it. Nothing more, but certainly nothing less. I appreciate it Santa Claus. I'm sorry for being somewhat demanding, but like I said, I think I've been pretty darn good this past year. As good as it seems to get, anyway.

Thanks, oh jolly one.

Abbey

A Splatter of Hope

2007-11-27T11:53:00.000-05:00

OK.

So you won't even believe how awesome my Thanksgiving was. It was the best holiday ever in the universe. All of my family was together and no one was sick or absent, which was amazing and such a gift. We all just sat around talking about how much we loved each other and how sorry we were for all the hurt we have caused one another over the years, asking forgiveness and crying together. (All of this was unfolding by the fireplace, by the way, while delicious mugs of hot cocoa warmed our hands and Christmas music played softly in the background.)
We sat for a few moments, just marinating in the freedom of forgiveness and love. We laughed and cried and laughed some more. It was perfect.

We then put on a Swing Dance Christmas CD and danced the afternoon away while still laughing, of course, and having the time of our lives.

And then in a miraculous turn of events, it began to snow. As we all stood silently staring out at the beautiful white blanket beginning to cover the earth, we felt thankful and blessed.
And as it began to thicken, we couldn't resist the urge to bundle up and dive in... making fantastic snow angels together!
But as the afternoon crept on, the snow melted away and the sun popped out once again, warming our frozen fingers and toes, which were the blissful marks left on us from the making of the angels.

It was a heavenly day.

And as if that wasn't enough, I suddenly remembered that in the back of my van was a huge blank canvas and with it, every color paint you could imagine existed. So we all joined in together in grabbing huge fist fulls of paint and throwing it at the once blank wall. We smiled as we took in each moment of the picture appearing before our eyes (all of this happening in slow motion, of course). The picture of our family.... our history. A history of joy and sorrow. Of pain and love. Of hiding and running. Of sickness and health. Of love and redemption. It was glorious. Just wonderful.

And the painting is beautiful. It is everything we would be in heaven. It's every word spoken that is trapped in us by fear or shame or pride. It is every feeling expressed in perfect freedom. It is sadness that is allowed to be. It is love that's hard to express. It's every longing we've ever had our whole lives fulfilled.

And it hangs on the walls of my heart and my mind.
Like a giant picture of hope.
Hope is good.
I'm thankful for it.
I think it's what keeps me alive.

Well, that was it. The best Thanksgiving ever in the entire universe.
I told you you wouldn't believe me.

But regardless, I'm sooooooooo looking forward to Christmas!!!

Double Slam Dunk!

2007-11-14T10:17:00.000-05:00

Today was a gift. A big fat beautiful gift from the Lord. It was the kind of morning that made me literally squeal with delight, while simultaneously clapping my hands and jumping up and down. It was on this very morning that my husband had the privilege of baptising my oldest son and my oldest brother in the presence of my entire family...my blood family and my spiritual family.

My sweet Ando has such a tender heart for the Lord, but has been hindered in his decision to be baptised by the fear of being in front of so many people. But because God is kind and cares about details, He brought my brother Rob back to Himself this past year and his decision to be baptised this Sunday gave Ando just the amount of strength he needed to be up there too.

This is one of my all time favorite days. I showed up for worship and got to witness my first born...a young life growing into himself in the Lord, everything new, everything scary... publicly profess his trust in Jesus. Then, as if that wasn't enough to take in, moments later, I watched my oldest brother...a more seasoned life lived wrapped up in addictions to alcohol and drugs, proclaiming that today He is new in Christ and wants to walk close to Him.

I can hardly put into words all that this means. In a ridiculously tight nutshell, I'll say that on this Sunday morning, God chose to (in His perfect timing) bring together my brother Rob and my little Ando to be baptised on the same morning. All at the hands of my sweet husband. If you had asked me 10 years ago if I thought that was possible, I would have died laughing. My faith is small. But God is big. His goodness mowed me over today and I loved it.

And I must say that I could have kissed the faces of everyone there today at my church for being in that moment with us...for being a part of an event that they probably had no idea the depth of. Thank you!

So there I go again...the jumping up and down, the clapping, the squealing. It's just my way of not being able to properly put words to what I actually feel.

But I think what I actually feel is LOVE.

Here's what Oswald says about it and it sums it up nicely for me...

"When we know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, it means we are free from anxiety, free from carefulness, so that, during the 24 hours of the day, we do what we ought to do all the time, with the strength of life bubbling up with real spontaneous joy."

I just wish I didn't have to go to sleep. I would like to stay in today forever.

Oh and kuddos to my nervous husband who didn't slip, or drop anyone, or drown anybody. I think that's pretty good for a double dunk!

Blue Moon Thrifting

2007-11-03T20:51:00.000-05:00

I love thrift stores.

Well, I love all but the funky feeling you get when you're in there. If I could shop in surgical gloves and an oxygen mask I would certainly do it, but I don't have access to either of those things. I just don't know where any of that stuff's been, so I get a tinsy bit panicky if I get stuck on that thought for too long. I always carry germ-X with me while shopping there because I can all but see the germs flying around in the air. And then if for some reason I get in there and I realize I have no antibacterial gel, then I can hardly drive home without worrying about what I'm rubbing all over my steering wheel and my stereo.

I mean, we all do the "normal stuff" while shopping, right? Like always breathing out for about 20 feet after someone sneezes, so as not to breathe in any germs. I mean, who doesn't do that?Oh...or the regular "never touch your face or eyes while in public because you don't know what you've touched and are about to infect yourself with." routine. Helloooo? Don't even get me started on public bathrooms...

Well, clearly I may be what some might call a "germ-a-phobe", so I won't pin those routines on you, but I think the general "thrift store feeling" is universal.

I mean, think of the difference...in new stores, you can bank on the fact that all the merchandise comes out of plastic bags and goes right onto the shelf, therefore you've cut your germ contamination down considerably just with that whole process. But in the thrift store, I can't help but think, "What is that mark on that toy? Is it a booger? Is it food? Is it contagious?? What if some child had the throw up virus right before her mommy donated these things and they were in her mouth? How many germy hands did these things pass through before they landed on that spot on the shelf?" Those are the thoughts that try to ruin my experience in the thrift store.

But the positives are way better, though. I can always somehow overcome my germ fears and enjoy "thrifting" because of my love for bargains. I so enjoy finding great, unique things inexpensively. And knowing my money is going to a good cause helps. So thankfully, in the end, my hate for germs is always defeated by my love for someone else's junk.

Take today, for example. I got two great sweaters for 2 bucks, a little something for my Lutong, and then found an unnecessary treasure for myself. All this and I'm only 10 bucks in the hole.

I love it. I feel like I really splurged, when really I just spent $10. I could be quite the thrift store junkie. I could go every day. (Actually, I couldn't go every day cause then I would have to invest in surgical gloves and a mask, so I don't think those particular purchases would even out the savings.)

So I guess I'm more of a "once in a blue moon thrift store junkie".

And a fabulous blue moon it was. That is a fact.

Now....I'm off to the showers.

Fullness Fuzzies and Halloween Fun

2007-10-31T22:40:00.000-05:00

I'm in love with my church. I just love being there with the people. It's a safe place to be. Tonight was especially cool, though. I experienced an extra measure of warm fuzzies in my tummy in their honor. Just when I thought it couldn't get better, "Trunk-or-Treat" happened, and let me tell ya...it was better! As if it's not a "treat enough" just being among that body of believers, tonight they came fully loaded with trunks full of candy! All the cars were backed up together in a big circle with our trunks open, exposing the massive amounts of sugary delights that would soon be dispersed among the little ones.

Now I kid you not, I had the cheesiest moment of my life, as I was sitting on my bumper. It was a few moments before they "loosed" the children from their holding room, but it was enough time for my eyeballs to make their way around the circle of folks that I have come to know and love so much. Some of them I don't know well, but each of them has impacted my life in some way. I got a huge lump in my throat as I looked at each face...each couple...each family. I wondered what tonight would have been like if I had never come here. How would I be different if I had never met them? How am I different today because of Bart's shepherding? Or Matt's leading of worship? The answer is unknown to some degree, but here's what I realized in those few moments ... I wouldn't have known the specific love that only these individuals can offer of themselves. I feel so grateful that just a few years ago, I came as a stranger and was accepted into this body with only the conditions that I put on myself. What more can I say? Well, just that it's awesome. That's all.

So other than that, the rest of Halloween consisted of just pretty much the norm...

Pumpkin carving (which almost made Elliot throw up)
Costumes
Toasted pumpkin seeds (which were nasty but so much fun to make)
A butt-load of candy
And just enough stress and arguing to make everyone feel right at home

Here's proof of the madness...

Ando and his "warty witch"

Elliot freaking me out!

Uncle Rob carving in true contractor's style

The finished products (Note Wilson's "artwork" on my table in permanent ink!!)

A Knight, a Firefighter, and an Army man.

Totally Zonked!

Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good night!

AStoryinaSentence

2007-10-24T14:41:00.000-04:00

One time I had this friend that I said I would meet somewhere and then I totally and completely forgot about it and it was really sad because it was at like 5am in the morning so she could have been sleeping and she wasn't because she was waiting on me even though I never showed up and it was really sad and then I called her and still was forgetting about it and said hey what are you doing and she was like nothing and I was like are you mad at me and then she said no but that she waited for me but I never showed up and then I said oh my gosh like 50 times and that I was sorry and then she forgave me and that was really nice. The End.

P.S. Me still sorry, dear friend!

My Mysterious Shape

2007-10-23T12:44:00.000-04:00

Wake up and breathe in deeply... another day.

The first sounds of daylight are treasured silence. Then comes the whispering of a hungry child in my ear... "Mommy I'm firsty and I need brea-fast"

My sweatshirt hangs crooked and inside out as I try to wipe the sleep from my eyes long enough to kiss and hug each of my guys on their way out the door. Their hurried feet smack on the tile as lunchboxes, backpacks and a briefcase are snatched up in a frenzy. And before I'm fully awake, they're headed straight out the door and full on into another day of the oncoming fusing of longing & fear in the mass of humanity trying desperately to fit in.

I take a deep breath, trying to decide whether I had rather smile or cry. I acknowledge the ambivalence I feel with wanting them to leave for school and work and wishing they could stay home with me. I want both. I enjoy both. After a few moments of pondering (quite deeply I might add and for longer than you might envision) I realize that by later today, I will have HAD both. So I move on.

Yesterday was my birthday. So I can't help the retrospective thoughts and feelings that flood me as I think of my life. I'm 33 years alive. In a lot of ways I feel like I'm just beginning to live. How is it to live in my skin? In my life? With ALL of my life? Past, present and future. How is it to be Abbey? To be "Christ in Abbey", as my counselor repetitively puts it.

Christ in Abbey.

That's pretty amazing, right? I mean, Christ Jesus...the very Son of the Creator of the universe, hanging out with me. Loving me in life and loving me in death. That's a pretty big deal. So big in fact, that the only words I can think to say about it is that it's a pretty big deal.

My mind is swelling with thoughts of all that He's been showing me of Himself in recent years. Slowly revealing little bits of Himself to me. A full revelation would be overwhelming I'm certain, so I feel thankful today for the slowness. And I usually hate slowness. But I surely see the good in it here.

I think of this past year's journey for me. A journey into a deeper look at my life. Taking a look even into the dark places that I've known... Taking ownership of them as a part of my story instead of allowing them to have ownership over me. I claim them with the reluctance of a child bending over to receive a spanking, but I'm easing out of denial none the less. It's been tough. I've befriended denial and shame with the kind of loyalty that will surely never be completely undone on earth. Even so, I can at very least admit that my 33 years do in fact, include some ugly scenes that I had rather think are not mine. But I've come to realize they are not only part of me, but have given my journey a unique shape.

I love this quote...
"Your life as you have lived it is way back yonder in time. But you are still living, and your living life, expectations subtracted, has a shape, and the shape of it includes the past."
Hannan Coulter by Wendell Berry

I would like to see with my own eyeballs, the shape of my life. I like to think that it could not be contained in a single picture and only God Himself could paint it. I would like to see that painting in it's completion...to walk into a full understanding of it. But for now, I'll take the single strokes in the glimpses, as I continue to imagine, with wonder, my mysterious shape.

Right now, all I can see in my head is the shape of a turkey and cheese sandwhich which I must go eat. I'm starving.

Lost in the Clouds

2007-10-09T21:07:00.000-04:00

So why an 8 day trip to California to celebrate 10 years of marriage? Because my dad thought we deserved it, I suppose. So much so, that he forked out the expense for the whole deal as a gift to us. He said he was proud of us, and wanted us to have a nice getaway. I know...amazing, right? As if that wasn't enough, he also kept the older boys for the entire week. And he only forgot to pick them up from school one time, which I thought was pretty amazing for a senior citizen...HA!

So, besides the fight we had over a puzzle piece and the carry-over of that dispute over dinner with our poor patient friends, it was the perfect vacation!

We spent almost every morning sleeping in, which was like a dream in and of itself. And alot of mornings we actually sat around and talked over coffee...a concept we had only heard of in movies and in people's lives who I always think are lying.

Aside from the occasional afternoon poolside bingo game with the "mature crowd" we mostly just relaxed. Matt in front of the sports channel, and me by the pool. I went through three books in a week. And one was on CD, so I didn't even have to open my eyeballs, which was great.

So that's the nutshell...good sleep, good friends, good food, good times. Oh, and no kids.

I'll post a few pictures, mostly for my own entertainment, but certainly not to boast my photography skills, or lack thereof. I came home with 100 pictures of mountains and clouds. But I'll spare you all the details. But I just can't help it. It overwhelms me every time I see how specific God was in making every part of the world look so very different. Out there, it was like I had never seen a cloud before. They looked like they were hanging so low that you could touch them. And I wanted to.

All that being said, here's our trip in pictures...

Purple Mountain Majesty. (I sang it for days in my head)

Random, loud oriental people on the tram.

Matt & the oriental people on the tram.

Me & the oriental people on the tram.

The view from atop Mt. San Jacinto.

Cutest tush atop Mt San Jacinto.

Me pointing to Jesus atop Mt. San Jacinto, of course.

Pissing off the dangerous wildlife.

God's cool art.

Just a little souvenir I found.

Skinny dippn' in the pool.... What???

Starting a puzzle that started a fight.

Finished the puzzle, but continued the fight.

Forcing my camera on good friends.

Smiling on a red bench.

Heading home.

Looking down on the clouds.

Home Sweet Home.
The End.

Alive in Palm Springs

2007-10-04T04:44:00.000-04:00

I haven't died. I've only temporarily escaped reality.

To be continued...

Lutong to the Rescue!

2007-09-21T17:07:00.000-04:00

What a freaking hard day. I hated today and loved today all in one big package, which I am begrudgingly learning is part of who I am at this point...ambivalent.

The happy news is this... I have a Lutong.

Thank you, Lutong, for letting me cry. For letting me talk. For letting me call. For letting me not even ask how your day was. For letting me have that kind of day and love me regardless even though the selfishness in it is repulsive.

Thank you.

And I love you.

You are the best gift I've ever received.

Innocent until Proven Hung-over!

2007-09-19T00:13:00.000-04:00

This is obnoxiously long, so sorry, but if you love me...you'll read it!

I must vent. To someone. Anyone... Everyone!

Last Friday night I was beginning to feel "not quite right". Not bad, but just not so good. Feeling more strange than anything else. Nothing specific that I could put my finger on exactly, I just knew I was feeling weird.

So I proceeded down my usual list of questions in my mind... Am I tired? Stressed out? Too much caffeine? Guilty conscience? Did I forget to wear a bra today? Or deodorant?? Did I forget to pick up one of the kids??" So I made my way down the list, counting my cups of coffee and the number of kids in the house, realizing I did in fact have both a bra on and a good coat of deodorant. So, this left me with no other conclusion than "tired and stressed", which were both possible. So, this being the case, I poured myself a glass of chardonnay and headed for a hot shower. But this lovely shower never happened...

I was stopped short by a change in my self-diagnosis. My "not so specific strange feeling" was becoming a bit more pin-pointed as I made my way down the hall. Then my stomach cramped into a tight ball and nausea mowed me over like a freight train. I began sweating profusely. I was aching all over and hotter than blazes. There was only one thing to do... stretch out on the cold tile bathroom floor.

I was dying. I hadn't thought of this. I was prostrate on the bathroom floor in front of the toilet, and this was my moment to depart. This was the saddest ending to my full, happy life. Then right as I was on the very brink of my agonizing death bed, I realized (rather quickly) that I wasn't in fact dying, I was just going to toss my cookies. Another option I hadn't thought of before. The stomach bug. It was awful. Absolutely horrible. (I was SOOOOOOOOOOO wishing I had not had that glass of wine half an hour before).

Then after what seemed like 2 seconds but was actually about an hour later, I heard Matt frantically calling my name from outside the door...he picked the lock (in a panicked reaction to my non-response), and came in to find me pale faced and groggy with my head resting on the edge of the toilet seat. (Bet that was a lovely sight) I have no idea what was said, I just know I somehow brushed my teeth and washed my face, then he helped me to bed...me in one arm, an empty bucket in the other. That's all I remember.

Now... this is where the "vent" part comes in. Matt let me sleep in the next morning and took the boys to the hospital to see his grandaddy. His dad was there, and they asked about me. Matt replies, "She got really sick last night". His dad asks, "Is she OK?" To which Elliot (God love him) chimes in, "Maybe she just drank too much wine." So there they all are looking at Matt for an explanation...anything to make this not true. To take away the wonder and question in their mind..."Is Abbey an alcoholic???" But not to worry...My husband will defend me and speak the truth. He will chuckle at the comment and tell them I have the stomach flu, right? More like "Yeah right!!" He just looks at his dad and says, "I hope not."

Oh Great. Just fabulous. Now I'm an alcoholic. Awesome. I can't wait until for his familyChristmas. That should be so much fun, and so not awkward. That little rumor will have had plenty of time to circulate by then, and everyone will be nice and concerned.

That is so not fair. I didn't even get the sympathy I deserved. I had to work extremely hard to fight off that bug, and I could have used some chicken soup. Or a phone call. But I guess us alcoholics are just a hopeless case.

I HAD THE STOMACH FLU!!!!!!
(Think Ross from the show Friends screaming, "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!") That's the basic feeling here.

Whew... thanks. I needed that.

Now back to life... my very non-alcoholic life.

Operation "Miles"...Successful!

2007-09-16T14:15:00.000-04:00

Well....

We got to keep the kitty. Elliot named him Miles because he has an "M" on his forehead. Here are some cute pictures of the new addition to the family...

Celebration smooch!

The look of part reprimand, and part "I've been had!"

But daddy can't resist as Wilson takes his order for dinner...

All guilty participants bask in victory....

Looking picture perfect here!

Resting after a hard first day....Zzzzzzz....

Oh, and just so you know...this decision had nothing to do with the size of Matt's acorns. He wants all to know that (especially Alf). His acorns are still very much in charge of this household. And they will most definitely not be cracked by a kitten. HE decided it could stay. Just wanted to clear that up. I know these "acorn issues" are important. So let the record show that Matt has big acorns. OK. That settled, moving on...

That being said, I think I'll go for a puppy next....

A Manipulative Surprise

2007-09-14T11:43:00.000-04:00

Aaaawwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at the new addition to our family! Can you handle the cuteness??

There is a slight issue with him, however. Uummm...Matt doesn't know he has a new baby son with big eyes and ears and the cutest little cry in the world. It's a surprise for him. (That's what I've been telling the boys this week, anyway, so they won't say anything) Because the truth is...Matt hates cats. He's actually allergic to them, which is most likely the cause for his loathe of felines. However, this will be an outdoor baby, like our Max, so I'm confident that he won't send it back. That confidence is backed up with a healthy plan of manipulation that I've been constructing for weeks. Getting it out in blog-land is also all part of the manipulation, really. Because now that everyone (including all my faithful readers at his office...help me out here, girls!) has seen the little cutie on my post, and the boys will come home from school with just enough time to fall in love with him before daddy gets home...he'll have to say yes, right? Or does he want to be the BAD GUY? Mwa ha ha ha.... I am so bad, I know. But look at how cute that little teeny-tiny fella is!!

I had to do it. That's my story, and I'll let you know if I stick to it when Matty gets home! ;)

Oh I must let the boys name him too...that will help in our defense.

My Tiny Melons

2007-09-09T16:05:00.000-04:00

That's right. I have the world's smallest melons and I'm proud of it. And just to clarify, I'm speaking of ACTUAL watermelons that grow in the yard. Well, really just one tiny watermelon that grew in our garden this year. But I just had to show off how awesome it turned out! We were all so proud!!

This afternoon, the boys ran inside, yelling with excitement and holding up this tiny thing. When I first looked at it, I thought, "That's so sad! It looks like a toy!" Then I heard this in my head, "Don't despise the day of small things". Well this was definitely a "small thing", so I tried not to be a hater and began to dig into why that came to my mind. I realized that a huge struggle for me lately is to believe that I'm growing at all in the Lord. But as I looked down at this tiny melon, I realized that there are often small victories in my life that are evidence that Jesus is hanging out in me. And even the smallest one is producing change.

So, I thought it was cool that even though this little watermelon only grew to the size of a golf ball, change did occur in this season of it's life. It even survived a brutal drought. Me & the boys, along with my brother, just kind of marvelled over the little thing for a few minutes. It actually brought us some joy.

Change is difficult and SO slow at times, that it's barely recognizable to me, but it doesn't mean it's not happening. Even in me. Even if the smallest fruit is produced, it's still cause for celebration, right? I forget to remember that. I too often want to be growing faster and more visibly, and I get caught wishing I was on someone else's vine. But I'm seeing that my story requires my own pace.

And maybe at times, Jesus wants me to be like this little guy on the piano keys. Enduring the same hot summers and the same droughts as the others, but coming out after the grueling process, appearing as if nothing at all really happened. Those are the tougher times for me.

Life is hard.

Today I wish I was a watermelon.

What's in a Name?

2007-09-08T22:42:00.000-04:00

This is a fun tag I got where I'm supposed to say something with the first letter of my middle name that's meaningful to me. It was especially enjoyable after a glass of Merlot. I love tags...it makes posting a "no brainer".

So...enjoy! (or be bored out of your mind...it could easily hit you either way.)

CHARLOTTE...

C... Can't wait for heaven. Perfect in every way. Longings fulfilled. No suffering. Only total freedom to know and worship God in a way we can't even comprehend until then. So, therefore...Can't wait. Especially about the suffering part.

H... Have to pee. Absolute truth. Enjoying blogging, but must go pee before pain sets in.

A... Ahhhh! Feel much better now.

R... Really excited about anniversary trip to California!

L... Lazy-Land. Ever since the boys all went to school, I somehow got swept away to lazy-land. The only thing they offer there is the opportunity to crawl into your clean crisp sheets for a long fat nap until it's time to pick up the kids again. I love lazy-land, and I would love to retire there someday....

O... Overwhelmed. I feel this way often, and it doesn't agree with me.(Or my poor family, for that matter!)

T... Tunes. I love music so very much. It's the kind of food for my soul that satisfies way longer than a Chinese buffet, which is always such a disappointment after you pig out and you're still starving an hour later. Why is that exactly??? Anyway, I do love music.

T... Trampolines. I forget every now & then how much fun these are to jump on. I remember begging for one as a child, and my dad adamantly saying, "No". But who do you think bought my kids one last Christmas?? And don't think I had any objections! That thing isn't any less fun now than it would have been 25 years ago. Only now I peep my pants a little when I jump on it, because I've had too many kids, but all things considered, it's a small price to pay for the kind of bliss you've dreamed of since you were a child.

E... Egyptians. Come on people... now put your hands together over your head and move your head side to side. Then point them outwards away from your bodies and walk like one. You know the song, and you know you want to!!! I love the Bangles. Good times.

This was fun... I can't exactly tag anyone else because my name's too long, and most have already participated, but it was so fun...thanks, C!

Cookie Drama

2007-09-01T15:50:00.000-04:00

What do you do when you've got the "daddy and big brother got to go to a birthday party with go carts, vidoeo games, putt putt golf and laser tag" blues" ??

You make cookies!!!

This is so fun!!

Can I see better if I rest my nose on the edge of the bowl?

I like this...

But now that I have my gloves on, and nothing sticky can

touch me, I LOVE this!

Just peekin'...

Clean? Yes. Sanitary? No...

Yuumm...the best part...

Except for the dancing...

And the line dancing...

And the break dancing....

And belly-button dancing...

And self-portraits...

HOLD UP! Don't mess with momma's camera...

And never touch a hot pan....

Mmmmmmm...

Well that was eventful. Now it's over and everyone's bored again.

On to the next thing...

A Hammock in Sheep's Clothing

2007-08-29T09:03:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up in pain. I ache all over. I'm bruised and sore and my neck is stiff and in pain. And though it may sound as if I've been stricken with the flu or some other horribly contagious ailment, all these pains are actually the result of a terrible accident I was in yesterday. It wasn't a car accident, if that's what you're thinking, nor was it all that terrible really, but it hurt.

I fell out of my hammock. It wasn't a "roll out" like you see on TV when people are off centered and flip out. No no no...I had just settled in . My eyes were closed. The birds were chirping. The temperature was so pleasant outside. I was totally relaxed. Then SNAP!!! One end of the hammock popped loose and I hit the concrete. I thought that I was dead for a second. There I lay...on the front porch all twisted and tangled up in my hammock, in shock. And I was hurting. My dream for the afternoon had been ruined..shattered. It was jerked out from under me like a mean joke.

As I lay there on the porch (trying to figure out if anything was broken or if I was going to be OK) I realized this was a familiar feeling. But what was it?? I had never fallen out of a hammock before. Was I embarrassed? No one else was around...why would I be embarrassed? Was my pride hurt? Was I feeling stupid? I knew this feeling, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Finally by this morning, it dawned on me. I felt betrayed. Duped. I was lured by the bliss of relaxation and the beauty of being cradled in that comfy swinging net and rocking gently in the breeze. I thought that it would protect me. I thought it was a good thing. A safe thing. I trusted the hammock and it betrayed me.

It was a good picture of how so many times in my life I have put my trust in people and been betrayed. Lured with kindness, only to get settled in and have "the hammock" jerked right out from under me, leaving me hurt, bruised, wounded and aching from within. It's like the "wolf in sheep's clothing" scenario, only the wolf is played by a hammock. It was a good picture for me. And it raised some good questions...

Do I hate the hammock in return? Can I trust the hammock again? Am I willing to be vulnerable and give another hammock my trust, even though one very similar in make betrayed me so badly? Hhhmmmmm......deeply forgiving that hammock will be tough. Fully trusting another one might feel impossible.

Just some thoughts.

Little Guy and a Big Guitar

2007-08-27T20:34:00.000-04:00

This is a brag post. A very, very braggy post. It boasts with a stench of nothing but "look how talented my kid is!". I just really love the collide of Anderson and music. God made him gifted and it's cool to watch develop in a child. He's hard to catch on film, because he locks up if he knows the camera is rolling, but this was a rare mood he was in.

He heard this song on a Disney show called Hannah Montana and got out daddy's guitar (that swallows him whole!) and picked 'out the chorus in about 2 minutes. I just wanted to show him off for a sec....nothing more than that.

Just look at my tiny kid playing a huge guitar. And you should see him on the drums! Whew...I am the epitome of obnoxious moms. Maybe I should put up a picture of Wilson pooping on the potty. (Which is clearly NOT a natural gift that God gave him, the little stubborn rascal, but he can produce such "gifts" when bribed with gummy lifesavers.)

Anyway,

To Ando...please don't one day be a rock star that snorts stuff and doesn't call his mother! Just be one that uses his gifts to the glory of God...however that may be. I love you..

These are a Few of My Favorite Things

2007-08-21T16:19:00.000-04:00

I was just thinking of a few things I like a whole lot...

Air conditioning
Good friends' laughter
Fresh tomatoes from our neighbors
The privilege of staying home with the boys
The privilege of staying home without the boys
Red, red wine
My church
That I don't have a dog
That I don't have an infant
That I have a good man
The occasional nap
Good counseling
My silky pillowcase that stays nice and cold even in the summer
That I'm done with school
That Jesus is in me
Kindness
Humor
Good burps
Funny farts
The wind in my face...which reminds me to thank Al Cost for the Sunday ride on his new Harley Davidson. At first I felt a bit shy to sit behind him and wrap my arms around his waist as we waved goodbye to our church family (including his wife Mindy and my sweet husband waving out the window of my dented up mini van), but as we accelerated out onto the highway at what felt like 100 miles an hour, I couldn't help but throw my head back and let out a whooping scream of excitement and freedom of sorts. It was so very much fun. And I didn't even care after a few moments that I was clinging to Al for dear life! OK....back to what I like......
Computers
Good books
Long hot baths
Long hot showers
Vacations
My boys' laughter
Headbands
My glasses, and the relief they brought me when I found out the headaches I had from needing them was not, in fact, a brain tumor
Swimming pools
Beaches
Live Music
the Fall (not to be confused with "The Fall of Man". I'm way more thankful for the fall with the pretty leaves)
Gifts. I love gifts.
Orgasms...come on people, you know you agree. You just don't want to write the word.
Good smelly lotion
fields of wild flowers
Sweet dreams

And that's what I know about that.

Yay for school...Boo for school

2007-08-14T11:26:00.001-04:00

Today is a day I've been looking forward to all summer long. I've been keeping 3 other kids this summer and added to my 3 boys, that makes 6. (That's for just in case you were rusty on your elementary math) Anyway, for me... that's a lot of kids. Therefore, as much as I knew I would be sad about the boys going to school and it being Elliot's first year away from me, I was very much looking forward to it. This morning, however, I felt no joy at all as I took pictures of them waking up, and eating their cereal, and getting ready for the first day of school. We exchanged multiple huggins and squeezins and kissins and lovins, along with several "21 high-fives" to get them (or me, rather)through the day, followed by a couple of reminders that we just live a block away if I need to come kick some bully's butt at any given time. And off they went. Now it feels strange to just have Wilson here(well, and the one little boy that I keep who hasn't started his mother's-day-out yet). They're playing quietly together (for the most part) and that leaves me with nothing to do but miss Elliot. I mean, I could do laundry and clean. And certainly I could entertain the little ones, but it's much more self-satisfying to just sit around and miss the boys.

Anderson loves school, and I've gotten pretty used to him going, but Elliot just looked so little this morning wearing that humongous backpack and holding his little rest mat.

With all that said, please support me in the nursing of my "empty-nest" syndrome by enjoying these pictures of my boys going off to their first days of school. Feel free to drop any comments in my comment box saying how cute they are and how you know my pain and are praying for me in my journey to survive the life of a stay-at-home mom with no children to stay at home with!

Anything less dramatic is also fine too.

SURELY...the Lord is My Shephard

2007-08-13T17:46:00.000-04:00

This is awesome.

The High Price of Free Babysitting

2007-08-08T01:30:00.000-04:00

My friend Molly & I went to get sushi tonight and I'm telling you, I had the best sushi I have ever put in my mouth. It was called the Dynamite roll. And it was delicious! I wish I could remember the name of the restaurant for all you locals, but I just can't. Sorry about that.

My freedom and my yummy food came with a price, however. It always does.

Matt very willingly stayed home with the boys and let me have dinner out. But when I got home, however, I began to wonder whether or not it was worth it. I walked in and to my surprise, Wilson was still awake at 11pm. Matt informed me that he had recently finished cleaning paint off of the dining room chairs, table and floor where Wilson had somehow slipped away from daddy's "watchful eye" and released an inner artist that none of knew was in him until tonight. He had opened most of my paints and created a masterpiece all his own all over one of my paintings, and most of the dining room furniture. Later, as I turned down the bed, I noticed that he had completed his work on my bed spread.

My initial reaction to this situation was to get mad. Not at Wilson, of course...what 3 year old wouldn't do that if given the opportunity unattended to? No, my anger was bent a touch more toward his father. My husband. The babysitter. Yep. I was thinking to myself, "Why was he not watching him more closely?? Or at all, for that matter???" So I proceeded to express this anger to Matt, (ever so gracefully and lovingly, of course) which because of such Godly delivery, went over like a rock in a lake as usual.

And then by a sheer act of God, my anger quickly dissipated as I looked at my tired man still awake with our youngest son at 11pm on a work night, all for the sake of my sushi fix. I began to think outside of the exact scene of the crime, and it occurred to me in that moment,that he's not just the father, the husband, and the babysitter. He's a great father, a caring husband and a FREE babysitter! A free babysitter who works long hours, staying pretty stressed out and still is willing to let me go eat yummy sushi with my friend without complaint. He's the free babysitter who loves our kids and bathes them and reads them bedtime stories and tucks them in with a prayer and kiss. He's the free babysitter who wipes down chairs and tables and floors, and cleaned my painting to the best of his ability. And even though he's the free babysitter who naively assumes that when he puts those rascals down, they actually stay down...he's still the best.

So was it worth it? Absolutely.

Paint can be cleaned off of furniture. Bedspreads can be washed and bleached. Paintings can be touched up.

But sushi is made to order, people. And that was really good stuff!! (Thanks to a really great husband!!)

Yummy Yummy Yummy.

The Gift of Nudity

2007-07-18T00:10:00.000-04:00

I have a wonderful friend who is kind and generous, and (simply because she loves me) gave me a gift certificate for an hour massage. I will leave her name anonymous in case she's a kind & generous friend of yours as well, but just hasn't loved you in the way of forking out the cash to pay for you to have a massage.
My point...I love her for loving me enough to give me that. That's some selfish love, but it's true. I love her for many other reasons too, of course. For example...she's diligent to pray for me, and unafraid to pray over me, or to ask me hard questions about my sin. She's interested in my walk with God. She's fun & real. And she's totally uninhibited in worship. Her comfort in the presence of Jesus goes far beyond who may be watching her or what they could be thinking. I don't think I've ever even seen her eyes open in worship. It's like she's totally connected and smitten with Him. Anyway, she doesn't blog or read blogs or care about blogs, but I wanted to acknowledge her anyway. Thanks, girl!

Now, about the massage...have you ever had one? It's amazing, people. Simply wonderful. I became the table. Total and complete relaxation. But believe me, my paranoid thoughts didn't go down without a fight, that's for sure...

So there I am...completely naked under a towel, when my "what if?s"start rushing through my mind like a tsunami of wondering. My first thought of course is the obvious, "Why am I lying here completely naked under this towel?" Then the rush...

what if my towel gets caught on his belt buckle when he walks by and it rips off & I'm totally exposed?
what if another client accidentally comes in here instead of their own room?
what if something tickles during the massage and I laugh, then he thinks I'm a sick-o?
what if he pushes on my back too hard, which pushes on my stomach too hard and I fart unexpectedly?
what if that candle tips over and the place lights on fire and then I'm out in the parking lot naked?
what if this whole thing is a set up? The belt buckle incident, the oblivious client, the tickle, the fart, and the candle? What if it's all part of a prank show?

Ok, so...that's what my mind was doing to me while I was waiting in the dimly lit room with the relaxing music and the yummy smell of some kind of earthy candle. And just as I was about to follow my thoughts into the land of "planning my reactions to each such hypothetical incident", I had to shut it down. Sometimes you just have to shut off your own mind to enjoy something nice for yourself!

So I did. I closed my eyes, breathed in deep the earthy candle scent, told myself to shut the hell up, took in the soft music and sounds of gentle waves crashing around me and enjoyed my gift.

It was fantastic.

A Blogger's Exhibitionism

2007-07-06T22:57:00.000-04:00

My thoughts are keeping me up. I'm fighting the impulse to do something out of the ordinary. And believe me, I'm a big fan of the ordinary. The same . The predictable. But I feel like being a little freer than that tonight. Like just writing my thoughts. From one boring thought to the next.

I'm not a fan of physical exhibitionism, but tonight I think I'll try that of the mental sort.

So I'm stepping out on a limb and letting you in on how my brain works. I'm assuming that you care, because if you're reading this then I feel that's a pretty safe assumption, so I won't even feed the paranoid thoughts tonight of what you think.

So this is how it works...

"I'm tired.(funny that's always my first thought) And hungry. And thirsty. But way more tired than hungry or thirsty. I should really drink some water so I won't have a headache tomorrow because of dehydration from being too tired to go drink some water. Actually, since I'm already thirsty, I'm more than likely already a tad dehydrated. I better go drink. Now I'm too awake. I shouldn't have had COLD water. I should have had it warm like hot tea, and then it would have kept me sleepy.

I wonder if Matt's sleepy in Nashville. I wonder if he's thinking about us. I bet he's sleeping right now. I hope the boys sleep until 10 o'clock in the morning. That would be awesome! Yea, right. They'll be up at the butt-crack of dawn.

Maybe I'll mow the lawn for Matt in the morning as a surprise. Naaaa. Too hot, even at the butt-crack of dawn. I guess I'll clean tomorrow. I wish I had a maid. If I had a maid, I would spend all day tomorrow outside with the kids. Especially if it's raining. I love to be out in the rain in the summer time. It's like a cool gift.

Wilson loved all his gifts today. It was his third Birthday. He got crocs, nerds, chalk, a coloring book, a bike, a soccer ball, a hot wheel, and a key board.

I wish I had kept up my piano lessons better. Maybe I would be famous today. Maybe I would be so good that people would pay to hear me play. Oooo....what if I was and I had a big concert, but I had really bad cramps or something or I was tired like tonight, and didn't feel in the mood do go on? I would hate being famous in that hour. I would hate sleeping on a bus. I would want to be in my bed at home with Matt & the kids.

My kids don't sleep in my bed. They have their own beds. I wonder if I'll have any more kids. I'm fine with three, but sometimes it just surprises you.

I hate surprises. I love being "in the know". I like predictability. It feels safer than surprises.

I wish I was more spontaneous. I'm too much of a planner. I'm not a big"go with the flow" kind of girl. Unless I planned the flow, of course, then I'm much more apt to go with it.

This feels like spontaneity. Maybe I'm doing what I actually hate right now. Maybe I'm OK with it after all. Maybe I'll like it tomorrow. Maybe I'll do something crazy tomorrow like only use two scoops of coffee instead of three. Or tap the coffee scoop on the drawer only once instead of three times. I wonder if the grounds would all come off with only one tap? What is it about three anyway? Well, I doubt I'll be OK with this. I bet I delete this tomorrow. What is tomorrow? Oh yeah. Saturday.

I'm hungry.

How boring is this?? Why am I writing this? Why would anyone in there right mind want to read my thoughts? Why don't I just think my thoughts and not feel the need to type them out?

There is something freeing about it, I guess. Not sure what, but it feels a bit like running naked across a football field. I've always identified a tiny bit with those "crazies" that did that. Not saying I would do it, but the impulse to do something off the wall sometimes hits me like a freight train, and I have to make myself not act on it.

For example, when Matt drives up the driveway from work, I often get the overwhelming urge to hide in the house and jump out and scare him. Or hide in the bushes and soak the neighbors down with the hose when they're playing in their yard. Sometimes I want to get a running head start and flip onto someones furniture without them knowing about it, before they get into the room.

I must sound like a crazy person. I feel like one sometimes. Maybe I don't talk about my heart enough. Maybe I need to actually be a heart exhibitionist instead of a thought stripper.

But I think I'd rather run naked across a football field.

Freedom and Fun

2007-07-05T14:59:00.000-04:00

What do you get when you add together...

Pretty firecrackers...

three handsome fellas in a truck...

A good many flips and jumps...

About a hundred self-portraits...

Some hugs and squeezins...

A heavy dose of relaxation...

Some cool smoke bombs...

REALLY loud noise....

A gabillion sparklers...

And some really good friends?

You get the fourth of July 2007 at our house.

It was a blast, quite literally. We're all wiped out today, but it was worth the exhaustion. It was a different year in terms of decorations, I must say. After downloading these pictures, I noticed a "not so 4th of July like" Christmas wreath hanging on the patio door. Wow. I forgot about that one. Guess that's one less that Matt will have to hang up this year. No sense in taking it down now.

Well, thank you Quinns, for a super-fun BLAST of a night!!

It was fun being out in the wild, wilder... wild, wilder...wilder, wild...wilder. What I mean is, it was fun being in the outdoors. I know how much Nick loves the wilderness!

Mississippi Soul Food

2007-07-01T14:59:00.001-04:00

And not the collard green type, if that's what you're thinking. I was craving Mississippi soul food of a different kind...

I have REALLY been missing my mom lately. I was beginning to feel the ache that starts swelling inside my chest when I get to really missing her. The ache turns into a big tight knot in my throat which usually turns into rivers of tears and depression. However, this time instead of diving head on into that storm alone, I got in my car and drove to Mississippi. Just a short 3 and half hours away is my mom's only sibling, my Aunt Chotty. I spent the weekend with her & my uncle, and let me just say that a visit there is never ordinary, to say the least. My aunt is a nut, and by that I mean crazy, and by that I mean a total HOOT! This weekend we mostly slept, and ate and talked and laughed. But in between, we got pedicures, raced around the neighborhood on her 4-wheeler, ate whatever we wanted and drank yummy mimosas. Oh, and did I mention the sleeping? Ahhh.....the sleeping!

This picture is us after a joy ride (hence the wind-blown hair), and yes... I'm in my jammies if that's what you're wondering. What did you expect? I just told you we slept a lot. It was just easier to stay in them during ALL the activities, so as to save time when ready to slide back under the covers!

And if you're wondering what the neighbors thought of two adult women (one in a pink robe)hauling butt around the neighborhood screaming and laughing, well... they thought nothing out of the ordinary. Anyone who knows my aunt knows what she's capable of...anything!!

A big dose of her was just what my soul was craving. Sometimes you want a friend. Sometimes you want a good cry. Sometimes you want some scripture or prayer. Sometimes you want a day off. But sometimes you just want your mom. I've been wanting mine lately. And the next best thing for me is my Aunt Chotty. Thank God He gave me her! I'm so thankful for her...that we have each other...that we're close...that she's not in Texas anymore!! ...that my husband lets me go when I need to see her...that she loves me like a daughter.

When we're together, there's no need for schedules or pressure or stress. Just time together. Girl time. Whether napping or eating or screaming or laughing or shopping or crying or talking or getting our toes done...It's good for my soul.

And that, my friends, is true Mississippi soul food.

Uuummmmm.......

2007-06-27T11:48:00.000-04:00

Wow.

Not Quite a Proverbs 31 Woman...

2007-06-15T23:10:00.001-04:00

"Her children rise up and call her blessed..." Prov. 31:28

Or, as it goes around here, they will more often rise up and say things like this:

Anderson...

"What are those big veins for, that are popping up on your hands?"
"Mommy, you look pretty. Where are we going?"
"Can I move in with Will & Anthony? It's just next door, and I could come visit every day."

Elliot...

"Mommy, your dinner food makes me throw up."
"You should move your legs. They have scratchy stickers on them."
"OK, you can kiss me. Just not with your stinky breath."

Wilson...

"Get that corn out of my face!!" (quoting a line from Nacho Libre overheard from his older brother)
"I no got poopie in my pants again." (which is always a total lie)
"Mommy, you go upstairs."

Wow. I feel so uplifted and encouraged.

Maybe I should get more exercise in verses 1 thru 27 before I start wearin' out 28!!!

Sheeeesh!

A Bass in a Clown Suit

2007-06-09T20:55:00.000-04:00

We had such a fun night last night, with an unexpected celebrity sighting of Lance Bass from InSync. It was unusual and surprising, as none of us realized that he was doing impressions of other celebrities like Bellow the clown from the circus (seen below). We were all so very excited to meet him and get a quick picture taken. Causing a bit of confusion was the curly mustache, but I'm not one to question a celebrity. Anyway, just thought I would share an exciting moment with all of you. Oh, and congratulations to Nick. I knew, as you can all see in the photo, that he was especially excited to meet Lance as Bellow. Rarely do I get the opportunity to be a part of an actual dream come true for someone. It was touching. I just wish Matt had been home to be a part of it all...

Lance Bass, as Bellow the clown.

Everyone was so excited to meet Lance.

Thanks, Lance! For making our dreams come true!

Guilty on All Accounts

2007-05-24T08:51:00.001-04:00

My Thursday Thus Far...

wake up 5:30am
enjoy silence
start coffee
take deep sigh
pee
eat zone bar
drink coffee
get dressed
leave for run
don't put on seat belt
run red light
get pulled over
show expired copy of insurance
dog-cuss husband for not giving me new insurance card
put head on steering wheel
start crying
get mercy for red light and belt
get ticket for insurance
say thank you
stop crying
run 2 miles
feel guilty for dog-cussing husband
go home
find new insurance card in husband's truck
dog-cuss husband
drink more coffee
rub downy sheet on husband's boxers from yesterday (no clean ones...shhh...no telly)
fold boxers neatly and place next to husband's clean socks while he's in shower
do 100 celebration high fives with Ando for last day of school
wave goodbye
take deep sigh
give sleepy Elliot mornin' squeezins
feed Hello Max
feel guilty for sending husband to work with "clean smelling" dirty underwear to cover my slacker butt
call court clerk
selfishly pray for more mercy
blog

Not much else happening around here. Just a handful of law breaking, a pinch of manipulation, enough selfishness to force feed five people, and just enough potty words to leave a nice bitter-sweet taste in your mouth.

Just thought I'd share that recipe, in case you all wanted to try something new. Believe it or not, if I'm honest, I actually enjoy it.

That's all I have so far.

If any humility creeps up on me, I'll keep you posted.

Come Thou Fount

2007-05-22T15:06:00.000-04:00

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2030941628
My cutie Wilby Jones.

No Boys Allowed in La-La Land

2007-05-20T23:27:00.000-04:00

Men. There are just so many of them in my life.

Spending the weekend with "my family" is like a camping trip, a sports event, a burping and farting contest and a 24 hour buffet, all wrapped up in one huge, loud, smelly package. This weekend it was my oldest brother, my 3 boys, my husband, his brother, and his son. By Saturday night I was wondering if I, myself, was beginning to grow a little chest hair. I mean, I'm completely out-numbered here! And every one of them depends on me for sustenance. I wake up in the morning, put my feet on the floor and try to just make it to the bathroom before they begin to swarm. It's like... " We've got you surrounded! Come out with your hands up and fix us some pancakes!!"

By this afternoon I just had to go. I had to make an escape for the outside world. A world full of girly things. Pretty things. Things that are attractive and smell good.

So I went shopping! Not to buy anything, but just to look and feel and smell. I looked at hair things, jewelry, perfumes, lotions, comfy jammies, slippers, clothes, purses, and lingerie. Then it happened...I saw the shoes. I had completely forgotten how much I love shoes! As I rounded the corner of the women's shoe department, everything went into slow motion. I swear I heard angels singing in the heavens, and every shoe was sparkling like a little diamond glistening from atop it's box. My heart raced as I walked slowly down each and every isle, soaking in the magic. My mouth was most definitely hanging open at this point. And I'm not talking about drooling over the usual flip flops or running shoes. These were girly ones...pretty ones. Feminine ones. Sparkly ones. I just couldn't walk away without trying on "just a couple of pair". I ended up having a totally self-indulgent "Pretty Woman moment", as I rolled up my jeans and went to town! After about the 12th pair and the creation of a big mess for some poor sole to clean up, I had gotten my fix. And it was FANTASTIC! But in that moment, my eyes came back into clear focus, the angels stopped there serenade, and reality settled in.
I quickly slipped on my black flip-flops (from 3 years ago) and hurried back to the mini-van empty handed, but satisfied.
Feeling much better about my femininity and a lot less concerned about chest hair popping out between my bosoms, I realized how much I actually do love my old black flip-flops and my life of burping, farting, wrestling, video games, sports and fixing food for hungry man-bellies at all hours of the day and night. It suits me just fine.

It just never hurts to be in La-La land every once in awhile.

You're Fired!!

2007-05-18T17:10:00.000-04:00

Can you believe this mess?????

food on the floor
laundry(dirty and clean) everywhere
a sucker that stuck to my butt when I sat on the chair
video games/toys/shoes/paper/wrappers ... all strewn about

This may come as a big shock to most of you, but I got fired from my job today. I know...we can't believe it either. I mean clearly I have been slacking on my responsibilities around here in both cleaning the house and having the boys do their part. This is an absurd way for a homemaker to keep a home. I mean, we were all getting annoyed with the mess and I feel that I have been more than lenient on myself up until now, but I've just had it. This is inexcusable. We're having small group here tomorrow night in this very room! That was just the last straw. I had to fire myself, so this can get done.

Guess Matt'll have to do it. Whew! Thank God for such a capable husband. I don't know what we would do otherwise.

I know this for sure...I'm going to sit myself down tonight and have a stern "talkin' to" about this. I may even send myself to bed early with no supper. This is unbelievable!

So, in light of this surprising disappointment... please hold off on calling me to ask anything of me, as I am also grounded from the telephone. Hopefully with these restrictions put on myself, we will all see some motivated improvement soon.

Lovin' those Lugnuts!

2007-05-16T01:30:00.000-04:00

Well good grief granny Goodrich's goats' hiney...(sorry, something my mom used to say) We're still in the play-offs! They won!!! Our little last place Lugnuts beat the #1 team! It was so incredibly exciting. All the screaming and cheering and clapping and jumping and high-fiving and stomping...OK, you get the point.

It really was a great game. We were just so proud of those little guys! And I say little because you would be surprised how tiny they look in their little white pants and jerseys and little black cleats! Aaaawwww...they were so cute!!! (And so very pumped and excited to win!!) One little fella just cried and cried. It really was a Mighty Ducks moment.

Anyway, never mind. About the beach, I mean. God obviously had other plans in mind than me last night and I'm handling it. I wouldn't miss the next game for anything in the world!!

I do wish I was more ashamed of myself for being so selfish. Oh well. Not gonna happen. If we had lost, I would be packin' my bags and lovin' it!!

Go Lugnuts!!

Unashamedly Selfish

2007-05-15T14:30:00.000-04:00

Yippee-Skippy bo bippy, banana-fanna fo-fippy...Mee mi mo mippy...Yippee!!!

Baseball is (almost) over! Don't get me wrong, I loved watching the boys play, but it was a tiring schedule between the two of them. I'm looking forward to my summer break from sports! You would think the boys would have been sad, but when we were being silly taking these pictures, I told them on the count of three, to make the face of how they were feeling about the season ending. I could be wrong, but judging from that shot, I'm not detecting too many tears on the verge of falling! I guess we're all wiped out. (Those are our cute neighbors, by the way, whose dad coached Ando this year).

Tonight is the Lugnuts' last game, assuming they don't win. We're not too worried, though, seeing as how they got to the playoffs by the skin of their teeth! However, I have seen the movie "The Mighty Ducks" and that scares me a wee little bit.

I feel like a mean mom to pray that Ando's team lose tonight, but I refuse to apologize for that. Matt & I (and my mini-van) are just exhausted from all the haulin' to and from the ball fields! Plus, Matt & I are leaving for the beach on Thursady (no kids), but will miss out on that and will be back at the ball field Thursday night if they win. And, if you must know, I have a horrible case of bleacher butt! So think what you must, but that's my prayer and I'm stickin' to it! And if you love me...if you really love me...you will pray too!

Me so selfish!

tinygreendancer

My Cheating Heart

Ando on Guitar

A Few of my Favorite Octobery Things

VERY IMPORTANT INFORMATION!!

Time: A Matter of Life and Death

Sullenly discontented; Sulky; Morose; Ill-tempered

Roaches Should Not Be on People's Faces

This is how we do it...

A Dream Come True... Kinda.

I Want to Go Skiing.

Blog Blues

Creative Constipation

The White Oaks CD Release Party

Snack Time

Boxers? or Briefs?

Ten Tips to Toast to! *tink*

The White Oaks FREE concert!!

"Raindrops Keep Fallin on My Head"

Public Display of Emotion

My Tiny White Oak-ling

Maybe I'm CraaZaaaY"

One Good Hour

In Sickness...

Going Our Separate Ways

A Really Good Night...

Aaaaw and Eeeeew!!!

Lot-O-Changes

"I Said a Change Will Do You Good!"

Hard Goodbye

Lo-ee-hee LaughFest 2008

Off With His Tiny Head!!

Memorial Day

Hello Summer! Bye-bye Bleacher Butt!

Tal Prince Live! and Feelings of Typey... and Rambly.

Liar, liar...Matt's on Fire!!!

What Happens in Vegas, Definitely Doesn't Stay There!

Shots and Scriptures

Don't Worry... Be Sleepy Now

Happy B'day Fullness! and Dude... Nice Bananas!

I Wish I had a Brownie

"I See You... I See You!!"

A Winner's Wounding Words

Letters to Flu Virus

Happy Easter!

Strike One...

Rebel Child- Exposed!!

"Mommy Mowed-Over at Michael's"

My Tight-Wad Valentine and A Flip-Flop Genius

A Tiny Toilet Takes Me Back

Over the New Kids

Snow Jumping

Old Dan Tucker Say What?

Making Memories...Tennessee Style

Britain's Got Talent... A Must See

What God is Showing Me Lately...

My Commercial Break

Tooth Fairy Torture

Rockin (and Rollin') Around the Christmas Tree

A Brown Crunchy Christmas

Oh Happy Day...

A Christmas Letter

A Splatter of Hope

Double Slam Dunk!

Blue Moon Thrifting

Fullness Fuzzies and Halloween Fun

AStoryinaSentence

My Mysterious Shape

Lost in the Clouds

Alive in Palm Springs

Lutong to the Rescue!

Innocent until Proven Hung-over!

Operation "Miles"...Successful!

A Manipulative Surprise

My Tiny Melons

What's in a Name?

Cookie Drama

A Hammock in Sheep's Clothing

Little Guy and a Big Guitar

These are a Few of My Favorite Things

Ten Tips to Toast to! tink