Just her and Jesus

I have a tiny knot brewing in my stomach. This same time of year, it always comes. The holidays.
I used to thrive on decorating for them, but these days it seems more like going through the motions for everyone else. It's just not the same since my mom got sick. She was the biggest Christmas fan I have ever known. She brought so much joy into the holiday simply with her own personal thrill of it's approach. I can remember having our Thanksgiving meal together...the whole family...the whole spread, ...everything home cooked by her own hands. But she could barely get the china washed and put away from the meal before she was itchin' to get into the attic and attack the Christmas decorations! It was like she would literally "turn" on all the pumpkins and scarecrows that she had worked so hard to put together and create beautiful arrangements. They were now the enemy! Get them out, so we can bring out Santa Claus and all the twinkle lights!! She would work fast and furiously too. She wouldn't stop until it was done. I can remember her begging me to stay up with her while she worked. I would go until like 2am and get sleepy, and she would say, "Oh, no..here, just lay right here on the couch. I'll cover you up. I'm almost done." She just wanted someone to be there to share it with her. I would wake up in the morning to a Christams wonderland. There was a Christmas tree in every room. Twinkle lights on each one. Old World Santas everywhere. And it smelled like cinnamon & cloves. The tree in the front yard would even be twinkling...how she got up into it in the middle of the night, is still a mystery to me. I miss that so much. I miss her. She loved life. She was a great cook. She was a very tiny person who drove a very huge suburban. She was a good mom. Full of laughter. Full of sadness. She was such a kind person. She loved Jesus. She loved me. We had alot of good years.
It's getting close to time to go and decorate her room at the nursing home. I can never quite measure up to her gift, but I do my best. A few things here and there...a small tree, a couple of her santas, and of course a manger scene with baby Jesus sleeping peacefully in the hay. He's the only one who knows if she can even enjoy them. Their dialogue must be pretty sweet these days. He's the only one who is allowed her voice. It's just her and Jesus.

So... why this blog? Simple. I miss her.