Today I woke up in pain. I ache all over. I'm bruised and sore and my neck is stiff and in pain. And though it may sound as if I've been stricken with the flu or some other horribly contagious ailment, all these pains are actually the result of a terrible accident I was in yesterday. It wasn't a car accident, if that's what you're thinking, nor was it all that terrible really, but it hurt.
I fell out of my hammock. It wasn't a "roll out" like you see on TV when people are off centered and flip out. No no no...I had just settled in . My eyes were closed. The birds were chirping. The temperature was so pleasant outside. I was totally relaxed. Then SNAP!!! One end of the hammock popped loose and I hit the concrete. I thought that I was dead for a second. There I lay...on the front porch all twisted and tangled up in my hammock, in shock. And I was hurting. My dream for the afternoon had been ruined..shattered. It was jerked out from under me like a mean joke.
As I lay there on the porch (trying to figure out if anything was broken or if I was going to be OK) I realized this was a familiar feeling. But what was it?? I had never fallen out of a hammock before. Was I embarrassed? No one else was around...why would I be embarrassed? Was my pride hurt? Was I feeling stupid? I knew this feeling, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Finally by this morning, it dawned on me. I felt betrayed. Duped. I was lured by the bliss of relaxation and the beauty of being cradled in that comfy swinging net and rocking gently in the breeze. I thought that it would protect me. I thought it was a good thing. A safe thing. I trusted the hammock and it betrayed me.
It was a good picture of how so many times in my life I have put my trust in people and been betrayed. Lured with kindness, only to get settled in and have "the hammock" jerked right out from under me, leaving me hurt, bruised, wounded and aching from within. It's like the "wolf in sheep's clothing" scenario, only the wolf is played by a hammock. It was a good picture for me. And it raised some good questions...
Do I hate the hammock in return? Can I trust the hammock again? Am I willing to be vulnerable and give another hammock my trust, even though one very similar in make betrayed me so badly? Hhhmmmmm......deeply forgiving that hammock will be tough. Fully trusting another one might feel impossible.
Just some thoughts.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
A Hammock in Sheep's Clothing
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4 comments:
I don't think I want something that concrete to happen to me for me to realize how human I am. I'm glad you did it and blogged about it. Now I have gone through the experience with you.
Except that...
I did get a minor concussion changing the sheets on the boys' beds upstairs. That was pretty concrete. But really, I only felt sorry for myself. And slept for two days.
Hey, great playlist, by the way. I'm just giving it a good listen to and I like it.
I understand the feeling. Often I feel apprehensive about God for the same reason. I think I understand and have accepted where my life is going and the BANG God pulls the hammock out from underneath me and I am left feeling battered.
But praise God He loves me and it is all for the best and the grass is always green and birds always sing and yada yada yada.
(yes, sometimes I am cynical. God just isn't safe enough for my taste most of the time!)
Ugh! Mike and I were sharing our hammock one glorious day. I was shocked how fast it happened. One minute your relaxing and everything is great and the next you are in another place. A world of pain...and having no recollection of leaving your abode!
At least we landed in the dirt. Well, I sympathize with you.
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